Category Archives: Finding Freedom

God’s comfort offers us freedom in the midst of anxiety, loss, and other difficulties of life. He gives us strategies we can use in our own lives, as well as special gifts that only come from Him.

Fight or Flight? — Banishing Anxiety Part 3

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Fight or Flight? Banishing Anxiety Part 3

by Lydia Floren

In my last blog, I talked about identifying the nebulous feeling of anxiety, which is really a form of fear, and asking the question What am I afraid of?

What AM I afraid of?

Are you feeling anxious? Take a moment and ask yourself, What AM I afraid of? Am I afraid of loss? Of physical pain? Job loss or financial ruin? Homelessness? The unknown, or the future? Do I fear rejection or loneliness? Death, or the process of dying? Am I afraid of failing? Letting other people down? Or myself? Or letting God down?

How am I reacting to this fear?

Once we identify what we are afraid of, another great question we can ask ourselves is How am I reacting to this fear? Typically, when we are afraid or anxious we react in one of 2 ways: fight or flight.

Fight

One option we might choose when we are afraid is to fight – to try as hard as we can to push our fears away. This fighting usually doesn’t involve fists or guns. But, though our means of combat are subtle, make no mistake: we are actively defending ourselves. For example, when we feel threatened we might try to manipulate, or control, our situation. Or, we might work hard to be financially independent, or super-healthy, or to have everyone like us, or to be in charge, or to win. Or, to be recognized or praised. Any time we push forward in response to fear, we are in fight mode.

Flight

When we are afraid, if we don’t feel like we can fight, we tend to run and hide. We check out of life. We might flee by withdrawing into alcohol, or Netflix, or the internet, or a hobby. Or, reading a book. Or, even work. When we withdraw as a reaction to fear, we are in flight mode.

When you feel afraid, do you usually fight or flee? Usually, based on our personality and life experiences, we favor one response or the other.

So how about you? How do you react when you feel threatened?

What Am I Afraid of? Banishing Anxiety Part 2

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by Lydia Floren

The first step toward banishing anxiety is recognizing it is there. The signs of anxiety can be subtle: irritability, depression, desire to escape, mental fogginess, lack of concentration, tendency toward isolation, change in personality. So if we sit back for a minute, and ask ourselves, “What is the matter?”, and identify that we are anxious, we can move forward towards dispelling it.

But before we talk about the next step in banishing anxiety, let’s talk about what anxiety is.

What is anxiety?

So, what is anxiety, really? There are all kinds of fancy definitions, but the bottom line is this: anxiety is fear. If you are anxious, you are afraid. You might be afraid of something in particular. Or, of multiple things. Or, you might have a generalized sense of fear all the time, which we doctors call “generalized anxiety disorder.”

What am I afraid of?

The first step in banishing anxiety is to admit that we have it. The second step is to ask ourselves, What am I afraid of? What has changed? What is bothering me so much that my peace and hope has evaporated? What fear has paralyzed me, or kept me stuck in a cycle of discouragement and worry?

So, what AM I afraid of?

Recently I have noticed some of the signs that let me know my anxiety levels are up. So what am I afraid of? Me, personally? Right now, I am afraid of losing my mother-in-law. She is 88 years old, and for the last couple of months has been in and out of the hospital (mostly in), with multiple medical problems. I am afraid of her having to suffer. And of watching her suffer. I am afraid of doing too much for her when she is ready to go. And I am afraid of not doing enough. And, most of all, I am afraid of losing her.

Once I identify these fears, I can bring them to my Heavenly Father, my friend who is closer than a brother, who says “You don’t need to be afraid. I am here with you. You are not alone. And you are not on your own. I love her more than you do. And I will help you, and the rest of her family, help her make the right decisions. And when the time is right, I will bring her home to Me. Just relax. And trust me. Rest in me. Rest with me.”

As I write these words, God’s inexplicable peace settles over me.

And the fear, the anxiety, goes away.

Are you feeling unsettled? Not yourself? Take a moment and ask yourself: What am I afraid of?

What’s the Matter? Banishing Anxiety Part 1

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What’s the Matter? Banishing Anxiety Part 1

by Lydia Floren

I’ve been anxious lately. Wow. Just admitting that is powerful.

It’s not always easy for me to recognize anxiety in myself. It creeps up on me. I don’t realize what is going on at first. I just know that instead of being hopeful and confident, I start to second guess myself. I have a harder time making decisions. My thoughts become muddled. I lose my sense of humor. I find myself withdrawing, easily annoyed–even a little paranoid. When it gets bad enough, I just want to stay in bed all day with the covers over my head.

Any one of these symptoms of anxiety can be attributed to other things. I can act in similar ways when I am tired or hungry, or haven’t been spending time with God, or have experienced a disappointment or loss. But there is a unique constellation of clues – including a change in my outlook and even my personality – that, when grouped together, help me to recognize my anxiety more readily.

What’s the matter?

Sometimes, others can also help me see it. One time, when I was at work, and I was being a real you-know-what, no one could do anything right. After huffing and fussing for an hour or two, I walked up to the nurses station. (I was probably taking a breath before I began my next rant.) But before I could say anything, Lori, one of my sweet nurses asked: “Dr. Floren, what is the matter? What is going on with you? You don’t seem like yourself today.” (Ha. No kidding.) I looked at her for a minute. And then my eyes welled up, and a tear trickled down my cheek. I sank down into a chair and put my head in my hands. “I am so sorry,“ I said. “I am flying to Asheville tomorrow to be with my only sister as she gets her first dose of chemotherapy.”

In order to banish anxiety, we have to realize it is there. Recognizing our anxiety, either through observing our behavior pattern or maybe the gentle prodding of a friend, is the first step toward dispelling it.

Are you irritable? Withdrawn? Restless? Not thinking clearly? Are your friends commenting that you are “not yourself?” Maybe you need to ask yourself, “What’s the matter? Am I anxious about something?”

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27

A Dead Turkey

by Lydia Floren

I’ve never seen a dead turkey before.

Wait, I take that back. I’ve seen hundreds of dead turkeys. In the grocery freezer section, right before Thanksgiving.

But, I’ve never seen a dead turkey like this.

Sometime between morning chores and afternoon errands, this guy appeared on the edge of our lawn.

I walked up to him. halfway thinking he’d get up and run off.

Nope.

I made some noise, nudged him with my toe.

Nothing.

Then, I noticed the flies buzzing around.

Hmmmm. Maybe he wasn’t just sleeping.

I texted my husband.

I said, “I think we have a dead turkey in our front yard.” And then, “I’m not sure I’ve ever said that sentence before.”

I sent him a picture.

Although I am not sure, in retrospect, why he would want a picture of a dead turkey on his phone. (Sort of like the time someone texted me a picture of their kid’s poop. There are some lines that just need to be drawn. And feces, and probably dead turkeys, are on the other side of those lines.)

I went off to run my errands, hoping, though not terribly optimistic, that the big bird would wake up and move along while I was gone. Not sure what I would do if he didn’t. Didn’t really want a rotting turkey on the lawn.

When I got to the beauty shop and told my hairdresser about it, she suggested calling animal control, although I wasn’t sure why they would want him. He wasn’t really a rabies risk. But maybe he had some strange disease that they were testing for.

When I got back home, the turkey was gone.

Wow.

Maybe he was just napping. And woke up and wandered off.

I walked in the house and found my husband, Andrew, on the back porch. He was leaning on the rail with his B.B. pistol. On the lookout for crows and bunnies. (They eat my flowers.)

“Did you see the turkey?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you do something with him?”

“Yeah.”

“What did you do?” (Surely he didn’t put him in the trash can. The trashmen didn’t come for another week.)

“I got a shovel, picked him up, and threw him over the back fence, down the hill.”

“Where?”

“Over by that big tree on the right, about halfway down. If you walk over that way, you can see him.”

“No thanks. I’m good.

Thank you very much for getting rid of him.

You are my hero.”

“I’d rather be your hero than your dead turkey.”

Do you have a dead turkey in your yard? A disappointment? A grudge? A sin you keep beating yourself up for? An offense, or wrong you need to apologize for? Don’t wait around for it to vanish on its own. Do something about it. Take a shovel. Pick it up. And throw it out, so its rotting flesh doesn’t stink up your life.

And then move on.

Do not call to mind the former things. Or ponder things in the past. Behold I will do something new. Will you not be aware of it?

Sharing the Joy of Faith: Life-Giving Rain

Today’s post is provided by guest blogger, Chris Lawson. Thanks, Chris!

Sharing the Joy of Faith Life-Giving Rain

by Chris Lawson

“Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what is not seen.” Hebrews 11:1

The summer of 2016, when I was recovering from surgery, I could only make it to the bottom of this mountain. Each day, I would get a little farther. My husband walked with me and encouraged me. I remember one day, I got to the top, and even made it around the turn. I had to send him down to get the car, to come up and get me. He was so patient and loving.

God is the same way with us. Our faith sometimes feels covered with fog, but the Son comes and breaks through the clouds and even turns them into life-giving rain in the far distance.

Prayer: Dear Father, Thank you for reaching out to us when we are frail and beg for healing. You are such a good Father. Help us to keep the faith and believe in healing and most of all to believe in Your will for us to heal. Help us to look beyond what we see as impossible to see Your Possible, to be able to experience the witnessing of Your Glory. In Jesus’ Holy Name, Amen.

Breathe. Just Breathe. (Breathe Series, Part 1)

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**Breathe. Just Breathe. (*Breathe Series, Part 1)***

by Lydia Floren

Depression took me by surprise. I’d never struggled with that particular problem. Anxiety, yes. But the overwhelming feeling of gloom and doom, the closing in, even the belief that the world might be a better place if you weren’t in it? That I had not experienced, at least until last year.

A shroud of sadness

At first, I didn’t even realize what was happening. It would come and go. A feeling of hopelessness. A lack of energy. Unexplained tears. Even after I connected the dots and figured out I was depressed, it took me awhile to pinpoint what might be triggering it. For me it was light—or rather, the lack of light. A particularly overcast summer introduced a shroud of sadness into my life. It clung to me as the days grew shorter and shorter, near-paralyzing me as its tenacles tightened.

Breathe. Just breathe.

How does one survive such oppression? Such a threat to one’s vitality? I know as a physician (and now, through experience) that there are lots of things that can help: a special light in the morning, medication to change the brain chemistry, regular exercise, a healthy diet, positive people, connecting with God every day.

But some days are just hard. A friend who has struggled with depression for years once explained it like this:

“Some days you just breathe. All you are supposed to do that day—all you CAN do—is take your next breath.”

Breathe. Just breathe.

You may be depressed, or stressed, or overwhelmed. You may be blindsided with anger or pain or hopelessness or fear. And some times, some days, nothing seems to help.

God understands.

God understands. God doesn’t expect nearly as much from us as we expect from ourselves. But because we live in a performance-based culture, it hard for us to wrap our minds around that fact. It is difficult for us to grasp that our true worth–our value to God, to ourselves, to the world–is not based in what we do, but in who we are.

Our true worth–our value to God, to ourselves, to the world–is not based in what we do, but in who we are.

Once that truth sinks in, it changes everything. We can relax. It is easier to accept that some days, what we are supposed to do—and all we are called to do—, is to breathe. Just breathe.

PS: Here’s a great song I’ve been singing lately:

Breathe, by Jonny Diaz https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hnjeMwxFuBA

The Moment Called Today

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The Moment Called Today, by Lydia Floren

The last time (OK, the only time) Andrew and I went to Hawaii, we went to a medical conference on the island of Maui, a land of extreme contrasts. Mountain and sea, lava and jungle, sunshine and rain. Maui is a unique place.

One morning we were drinking coffee at the meeting place, and chatting with some friends. They told us about a great snorkeling spot on the north shore that they’d heard about. It was little hard to get to, but supposedly worth the trouble. So we decided to play hooky for the rest of the day. We went home, gathered some stuff. They gave us the directions, and we would meet up at the water. After a short drive in our rented convertible Andrew and I parked, gathered our things, and then set out to hike the rest of the way in.

An unusual path

Our path took us through a forest of bamboo. The dense foliage seemed to close in and shut us off from the rest of the world. Surrounded by these towering stalks, we had no view of our destination, and the trail was so curvy that at times that we couldn’t see but a few feet in front of us. And even though the surf crashed nearby, all we could hear was the breeze swishing through leaves. For a half hour or so we enjoyed a hushed stroll through these shadowy walls of cane, and then emerged to a breathtaking landscape of soaring cliffs and crashing sea. One minute we could see for 5 feet, yet the next we were gazing for 50 miles.

Uncertainty

In this life, there is a lot of not seeing. We often don’t know where our journey will take us, and what we will encounter along the way. We can either chafe against this not-knowing, or focus on the beauty before us, right now, as we travel along.

Peace

When I choose to fret or worry about what is (or isn’t) coming next, I miss the moment called Today. I forget that, whether I see clearly or not, I am still safe. Still loved. God is still guiding. When I do remember these things, I can be at peace in the middle of uncertainty, resting in God’s arms, trusting His wisdom and leading. I am able to enjoy the moment called Today.

Joy

Choose to live in the moment called Today. Choose to be content in your circumstances. When your view is not clear, and even when it is, savor the beauty of life you have been given today.

No need to fret. Eventually you will reach a place you can see for miles, a place that will truly take your breath away.

“I will lead the blind by a way they do not know, In paths they do not know I will guide them. I will make darkness into light before them and rugged places into plains…” Isaiah 42:6

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!” Phil 4:4

I Love You

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I Love You, by Lydia Floren

“I love you.” God says these three words to us over and over again, every single day. He did it yesterday, and He’s doing it right now. He’ll keep on doing it, tonight and tomorrow and the day after that. But just because He is saying “I love you,” doesn’t mean we hear it, or that the meaning of those words sink in.

Our hearts have to be tuned in, to listen for that sweet message.

How God says “I love you”

God’s “I love you” might be a beautiful song, a stunning sunset, the encouraging words of a friend. He may say “I love you” through a great conversation, a belly laugh, a good night’s sleep. Or, an “aha” moment when a truth strikes home. Sometimes, He just whispers “I love you” in the stillness of our minds. And if we ask, he will help us to understand just what that means.

This is a little conversation I had with God recently:

“I love you.”

Thank you. But what do You mean when you say “I love you”? And why does it matter?

I

I am the most powerful being in the universe. I made up love. I define it. I am only good. There’s no evil in me at all. I am patient, kind, faithful, generous–and present. I created you, and everything else in this world, and beyond. I wanted you with me always, and I sacrificed greatly to make this possible. I know everything. I am the only person that will ever completely know, and unreservedly love, you. I see you now, exactly as you are.

I love you.

Love

I cherish you. I enjoy your company. I want the best for you. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. I see exactly what’s going on, and I’m guiding you. I’ve got your back. I’m providing for you. I’m healing your heart from the faulty thinking that has kept you in bondage. And, I’ve already forgiven every wrong thing you have done, and will do, to me. I adopted you. I respect you, and I am protecting you.

I love you.

You

You are my precious creation. Before you were even born, I chose all the qualities that would make you uniquely yourself. And that hole in your heart? That is an incompleteness that can only be filled by me. And I am filling that hole. You belong with me. You are wanted. You are loved. You are my beloved child.

I love you.

LOVE

YOU.

I LOVE YOU.

I love you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3

Distraction Detours

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by Lydia Floren

We all get distracted from time to time, especially those of us with ADD. Here is an example of what I call a “distraction detour” from my life recently:

I am finishing a task in the kitchen before I head out to run errands, and realize I need something from upstairs, so I run up to get it. I walk into the spare bedroom, and immediately notice that it is a mess. I pick up a book and put it on its shelf. And then I rearrange the shelf a little. And before I know it I have completely organized the room.

And then I look at the clock.

Two hours. I’ve been up here two hours. How in the world did I get started on this? Oh yeah, I came up here looking for something…what exactly was I looking for?

I shrug my shoulders, and hurry back down to the kitchen. As I enter, my eyes fall on a T.J. Max bag sitting on the counter. Oh yeah, the baby shower gift. That’s why I went upstairs: I needed a gift bag. I turn around and climb back up the stairs muttering “gift bag, gift bag, gift bag” with every step, so I won’t forget why I came upstairs this time, and end up getting side-tracked all over again.

Sigh. Distractions happen. And occasionally–more for some of us than others– they sidetrack us. An unplanned two hour detour in a busy day, shoots a hole in our careful plans, and keeps us from accomplishing as much as we had hoped. But we don’t have to let these DD’s ruin our day. When my day is disrupted by a Distraction Detour, I get frustrated with myself for letting it happen. All too often, I will continue ranting at myself for the rest of the day every time I think about it.

What is wrong with you? Can’t you even go upstairs and find a stupid gift bag in under two hours? Look at the time! Even if I hurry the rest of the day, I’ll never get everything done now!

Distraction detours impact our plans, but they don’t have to steal our joy.

So what’s a person to do when you recognize you have a DD? And how do you keep a Detour from turning into a Disaster? Here’s a few things I have learned in my long experience with DD’s:

PUSH THE RESET BUTTON.

As soon as you realize what is happening, stop. Take a deep breath. Give thanks. As my friend Denise often reminds me, “There is always always always something to be thankful for.” Next, walk through the rest of the GRACE pneumonic we’ve talked about before (see Living GRACE)—Give thanks, Release, Accept, Continue, Enjoy.

Give thanks. Thank You, God, for my mind, no matter how scattered it gets. For Your love and patience, for the way You made me. Thank You that You multiply my time, and will help me to do what is most important without worrying. And thank you for what I got done these last 2 hours, even if it wasn’t on today’s to do list.

Release. I give all my time to you, and all my plans. I release myself from the expectation of perfection. Please show me how to give myself grace, and lighten up a little (or a lot). And help me to quit “shoulding“ on myself.

Accept. Here’s where I am now, Father. It’s __o’clock. I have ___ hrs left in the day. As I regroup, show me what is most important. Help me to eliminate and concentrate.

[You might make a short to-do list, 3-5 things, depending on how much time is left.]

Continue. Start out fresh, right where you are, as if it was the beginning of the day,

Enjoy the rest of the day, free of worry and minus the self-guilt trip. God understands, and he loves us just like we are. So lighten up. Laugh a little, and then a lot.

Distraction detours happen to all of us. Don’t let them highjack your joy. Be kind to yourself. Step back, regroup, handle them with GRACE. Laugh a little (and then a lot) and move on!

Don’t remember the former things; don’t dwell on things past. Isaiah 43:18

Rejoice in the Lord always. Phil 4:4

Stepping Back

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Stepping Back by Lydia Floren

There always seems to be a lot going on in my life. Yours too, probably. Until recently I was working on a book project (Beloved Adventure), blogging, practicing medicine, helping to lead a small group, and preparing for a major house renovation. But a few months ago, I felt God leading me to put a few of these projects on hold and take some time for deep healing from some things in my past.

This is not on my five-year plan. Anywhere.

Yes, I have a past. We all do. I’ve dealt with it, prayed over it, experienced healing from it. I really don’t want to go there again. Ever. “Besides,” I grumbled to God, “I’m too old for this.”

But God kept tapping me on my shoulder saying “You need to go here. It is important. It is your next step forward, for growth and healing. There are things that linger there, that now you have the strength and understanding to deal with. Things that still affect you, that cause you to be anxious, to over react in certain situations, to distrust. I want to perform a deeper healing, to give you a new perspective, to bless you with increased joy and freedom.”

It took a few such “conversations,” before I acquiesced. I reluctantly set aside (for the third time) the kitchen/bathroom project, the work on Beloved Adventure and a few other things. And I began cautiously following My Loving Father in a different direction.

It takes a lot more courage and energy for me to step back than it does to step forward. It’s scary. There is rejection and hurt and mistakes and regret back there. It is a place I only dare go with my Loving Father at my side. And He has stayed close, protecting, providing, encouraging. He led me to counselor that I trust, and a couple of friends I can decompress with. He has given me a husband who understands and friends who are praying.

So far, It’s been messy and revealing. And yes, freeing and healing. But it has not been easy.

We can always know that God’s way will be one of healing and growth, freedom and joy. But what’s hard to grasp is that, on occasion, His way may also take us in an unexpected direction, a retrospective—even painful—one. But He knows that difficult past experiences can seep through and stain our current perspective, despite many coats of paint-years layered on top. So, there are times God may (and probably will) ask us to dig deep. Unearth unpleasant memories. Allow Him to reprocess them in the light of His love.

Are you willing, no matter what your age or stage in life, for God to lead you to take a step back? To set aside some projects, so that you have the time and energy to follow Him there? Are you ready to trust Him to create a new frame of reference, one untainted by past hurts? Even if the healing process will be painful at times?

If/when you are, I think you will find that stepping back can be remarkably freeing. As God heals damaged emotions from the past, He enables us to claim more fully His loving embrace in the present.

You might find, as I have, that sometimes the best way–maybe even the only way—to move forward is by stepping back.

“Those who wait for the lord will gain new strength…” Isaiah 40:31

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; try me and know my anxious thoughts; and see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way.” Psalm 139:23-34