Tag Archives: Reminders

The Baby Jesus Crisis

However, when baby Jesus went missing (which happened on more than one occasion)? Now that was a real crisis. You can’t really have a Christmas story without baby Jesus. Do you know how hard it is to find an infant-in-a-manger figurine just the right size for our old but beloved nativity set?

When I set out our ragtag collection of figurines this year, I remembered the baby Jesus crisis. How could I forget? Our current baby Jesus is a little oversized compared to the other pieces.

Y’all know where I am going with this, right?

As you celebrate Christmas this year, don’t lose baby Jesus. He is the pivotal piece in this story. Every day, make time–and take time–to connect with Him. Even—especially–if it means doing a few less things.

Discovering Paris – Breathe Series, Part 3

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Discovering Paris

by Lydia Floren

Paris has long been on my bucket list. So, last year in celebration of our 30^th wedding anniversary, Andrew and I finally set aside a week to visit this famous place. We stayed at an Airbnb, a 200+ year old walkup apartment in Marais, right in the heart of the city. From this prime spot, under the guidance of our dear friend Jenn, we proceeded to take in the sites and sounds of Paris. We breakfasted on quiche at the patisserie across the street. We strolled down cobblestone streets, and we sipped spiced wine at sunset on Mont Marche We peeked through a clock-face of the Musee D’Orsay and snacked on crepes from a roadside vendor. We crossed the Seine via the Pont Neuf, and gazed down the Hall of Mirrors in Versailles. And, we smiled (back) at Mona Lisa.

And, of course, we (mostly me) took lots of pictures.

Paris truly exceeded my expectations. But I never expected that it would change me the way it did. After being there a few days I started to see that In Paris, folks didn’t seem to be in a hurry. Despite the December chill, hundreds of people would sit for hours in outside cafes chatting while they sipped coffee or a glass of wine. No one gave more than a passing glance to their cellphones. I don’t remember seeing a TV. Anywhere. As I watched the way Parisians lived, I began to see how isolated my life had become, how isolating our culture tends to be. And rushed.

Parisians by their example, reminded me to live my life more relaxed, more connected and less distracted.

The real world

But Paris is not the real world, at least not my world. In that world I have responsibilities: houses to clean, jobs to do, children to tend. It didn’t take me long to plunge again into that Life. But often in the ordinary days I would find myself drifting back back to our time in Paris, and I would feel my heart smile. I would remember again that finding joy in life is not about what I do as much as how I do it.

And I would remind myself that

There is time, if I will take it, to linger over dinner, share a laugh, snap a picture.

There is resolve, if I will use it, to turn off my cellphone and clear my over-busy schedule.

There is opportunity, if I will grab it, to savor the moment, to soak in the beauty, and—most of all—to enjoy the relationships I have been given along the way.

Paris….it’s been awhile. My heart still smiles.

For more, read Breathe Series Part 1, and Breathe Series Part 2

1 Corinthians 13 Reminder

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A simple reminder:

Gently

Choosing Joy

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I am spending a few glorious (and warm) days at the beach visiting a dear friend. On the drive from the airport my friend told me about the island’s beach renovation project. The Corps of Engineers situated a big ship offshore a couple of miles north of us to suck sand from the ocean floor. They then push it through a pipe they progressively lay down close to the water. The Fresh sand is sifted and then deposited along the eroded shore, and then big trucks even it out. It is quite a production.

Unfortunately the crew set up shop right in front her place 3 days before my arrival. When they moved down the beach after a couple of days, they left a big pipe stretched across the sand in front of us, and– for a while– a plastic orange fence that kept us from approaching the ocean.

I had a decision to make.

This week I will choose:

Will I focus on the rusty pipe,

or the panorama of ocean and sky?

On the orange fence, or a shore free of beach walkers?

On an occasional beeping truck, or gull cries and crashing waves?

All through our lives we make decisions.

We choose.

To enjoy life’s beauty, or to be annoyed by its problems.

To appreciate what we have, or to wish for what we don’t.

To be content, or to be restless.

In our walk with God on this earth we choose

To trust, or to worry.

To be thankful, or to be dissatisfied.

To embrace joy, or to wallow in self-pity.

Thank you God, for

Your presence within and around me.

The magnificence creation before me.

The beauty of me – your ultimate design.

You – Your personality, intellect, creativity, compassion.

The incredible power you possess and restraint that you practice.

Thank you God,

For renovating my heart, just like this beach – restoring fresh sand, minus the debris.

For Your incomprehensible love, vast as the sea.

Thank you, that you have made it possible for me to choose You,

For me to choose Joy.

Overwhelming GRACE

by Lydia Floren

When life seems overwhelming, it is hard to wait on God. And even when we choose to be still, our minds can continue to race, robbing us of this precious time to re-energize and refocus.

Praying GRACE is an awesome way to break free of swirling thoughts, and drink in God’s peace and love.

Give thanks:

Thank you, God, that you are here. You love me, and those Iove. You know exactly what is going on. You meet me right where I am and are leading me in the next step. You are powerful and have everything under control. I am safe.

Release:

Father, you know all of these things swirling around in my head. I just leave them one by one at your feet. You are in control. I don’t need to be, and frankly, I can’t be. Thank you for helping me to see that. Forgive me when I try to take control instead of trusting you.

Accept:

Father, I accept the lighter load of following you, instead of trying to figure out everything on my own. I accept Your leadership and direction. Right now I choose to listen as you speak through your word, and your still small voice within me.

Continue:

God, I choose to continue moving forward in the way you have already led me, trusting you to make clear any changes that need to be made. Thank you that even if/when things don’t seem clear, you will open doors, close others, helping me to see plainly which way to go.

Enjoy:

Father thank you that I can just enjoy the day in front of me, knowing that You’re with me–reassuring, guiding, loving. I can enjoy each moment knowing that you’re taking care of everything, and that you have the big picture in mind.

This is the day which the LORD has made; Let us rejoice and be glad in it. Psalm 118:24

Loosening the Rocks (Rocks Series Part 2)

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by Lydia Floren

In order to be free from a deep seated lie, it is necessary to immerse one’s self in truth, and for that truth to sink way down deep. When truth moves past our conscious thoughts, and buries itself into our hearts and spirits, it dislodges long-entrenched lies. Here are some ways to anchor truth into your mind/heart/spirit:

Repetition. Repeating truth over and over to yourself really helps to get it past the surface. For example, you could continually expose yourself to truth by any or all of the following:

Carry around a set of “truth cards.”
Program a message of truth into your phone.
Wear a bracelet, or other reminder
Write a reminder on your hand

The more creative and omnipresent your reminders, the more likely that the truth will be firmly implanted in your mind.

Different points of view. Instill truth by looking at the facts from different perspectives.

Do this on your own, by asking yourself questions. In the case of the perfectionism lie (“I must be perfect to be acceptable to God”), you could ask yourself, “What is perfect? Would I even know it if I saw it? Is my definition the same as God’s? What does God care about? What does the Bible say?”
Get an outside perspective. You might share your struggle with a trusted friend or advisor and ask for their point of view.

Multiple senses and learning methods. In order to learn something well, and have it really stick with you, involve as many senses and learning styles as possible. For example you might follow the adage “see one, do one, teach one.” Watching someone, then doing it, and then teaching it greatly reinforces what you learn. It also helps to absorb truth in different ways. You might

Read about a truth
Say it to yourself
Listen to a song about it
Watch a video that resonates that truth

The more methods you employ, the quicker the truth becomes part of you.

Memorization. The ultimate goal is to firmly implant truth in your memory. In my opinion, committing part of the Bible to memory has an impact greater than any other. The Holy Spirit works through God’s word in both the conscious and the subconscious mind, and is powerful indeed.

Reminders. No matter how you learn truth, remind yourself often of what you now know. It is kind of like waxing your car, so that the salt and debris of the road don’t corrode the metal. The truth might be in you, but it may fade a bit and need some buffing, to bring it back into present awareness.

If you abide in my word, then you are truly disciples of mine, and you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free. John 8:31-32

What is your favorite way of loosening the rocks, and incorporating truth into your life?

NOMB Part III: Curbing the Impulse to Fix Myself

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NOMB (None Of My Business) Part III: Curbing the Impulse to Fix Myself

by Lydia Floren

One time, when I was particularly aware of my failures and inadequacies (this happens a lot to perfectionists, BTW), I decided I would make a list of of each of my faults. It took awhile. It was quite a list. Finally I finished, and then wrote this prayer in my journal:

“OK, God, here are all the things that need changing in me. Where do you want me to start first?”

Here was His answer: “Why don’t you start with the perfectionist part?”

I was stunned. And then I laughed.

Perfectionism wasn’t even on my list. But once I thought about it, perfectionism, in a sense, WAS my list. The very act of writing down that string of deficiencies was my attempt to perfect myself, albeit with God’s blessing. But God had different ideas of what needed fixing. He knew I needed to change my tendency to perfect myself at all, and the audacity, in fact, to think that I could. Suddenly, I saw how prideful and foolish it was to attempt any self-improvement on my own.

I not only need God’s strength to carry out any change in myself, I need His wisdom about what really needs changing. His words, His wisdom, didn’t come from within me, it came from Him, and it is changing my life. Slowly. Recovering from perfectionism is a long process.

Not only are we unable to fix others’ problems, we are not even very good at fixing our own. We are quite blind to our blind spots. We don’t perceive the fixed false beliefs deep in our psyches that are obstacles to freedom and joy. And when God shows us one of those blind spots, only He can help us navigate the complicated path needed to free us from the lies and lead us into truth.

This is why Paul says, “I don’t even judge myself.” God is The Master Physician. He alone sees the big picture of my life, the unseen pain and distorted misinformation that unconsciously drives destructive thought and action. He alone knows the best way to blast me out.

God has serious skills.

Recent Series: NOMB Part I: Letting God Be The Fixer, NOMB Part II: Curbing The Impulse To Fix Others

NOMB Part II: Curbing The Impulse To Fix Others

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by Lydia Floren

NOMB (None Of My Business) Part II: Curbing The Impulse To Fix Others

When I see someone else’s struggle and “feel their pain”, I want so much to make it better. WHAT’s a person to DO? Here are a few tips:

#1 Face yourself:

Check your motives. Be honest with yourself about why you want to make it right. Your urge to fix is probably not as altruistic as it seems. Our motives are often mixed: sure we want to help, but we may also want to avoid the discomfort of watching others suffer or the annoyance of their “imperfection.”
Accept your limits in understanding and skill, and the specific ways God has asked you to serve in this world.

#2 Remind yourself of truth:

Pain is important. We are programmed to avoid pain at any cost, but experiencing pain is necessary; the stove’s heat or the wind’s cold prompt us to practical action. Leprosy is a malady where the nerves that detect pain are destroyed. Much of the disfigurement of leprosy comes because of the lack of feeling, not from the disease itself: a burn goes undetected, or an infection untreated, which leads to irrevocable tissue damage. Pain notifies us of danger or a need to change, even if that is just taking better care of ourselves.
Suffering is a part of life on earth. “In the world,” Jesus said, “you will have tribulation. But take courage: I have overcome the world.” He understands that we will have suffering—He experienced it himself many times. But he also knows that accepting hardship is not admitting defeat: far from it. God works all things out for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes.
God uses all the pain in our lives, and sometimes He allows us to suffer for a reason. If He does so, He can be trusted: He has a good purpose in it, either for us or for someone else.
Your fixing can actually do more harm than good. What you think is helpful for someone else can often be downright harmful; how could you possibly know?

#3 Pray:

Thank God that
He is at work in this situation, and good will come of it.
His love for you and your loved ones is much greater than your own.
His ideas, His strategy, His perspective, His understanding are far beyond you’re own.
He will let you know if He wants you to do something in this situation.
He will give you the self-control to resist the urge to step in where you don’t belong, and the courage to step forward when He leads you to act.
Talk to God about the specifics. He already knows what is going on, but also knows that you need the listening ear of a loved one to hear your concerns. (It really helps. Trust me.)
Ask God what He wants you to do or not do.
Listen for His answers.

#4 Act: There are many ways God MAY ask you to help. You might be led to do one or a combination of the following:

Intercede. Often when I see difficulties in another’s life, I feel like God’s primary request is for me is to pray for that person. This is not a last resort. It is actually the most powerful action I can take because prayers invite the power of God’s spirit into the situation. Perfect power and perfect love, working on the problem! Who doesn’t want that?
Encourage. The most important thing a person can do–outside of praying–for someone in difficulty is to encourage them. Encouragement can be as simple as a smile, a hug, a note, or a shared laugh. It is easy to encourage via phone, text, Facebook, or email. A moment of thoughtfulness can make a world of difference in someone’s day, especially when they are going through a hard time.
Listen. God gave us two ears and one mouth, right? Listening is a powerful encouragement. Giving someone a safe place to articulate a problem or vent emotion is actually therapeutic. I have seen this over and over in the practice of medicine.
Serve. Practical acts of service, such as a gift, a visit, a meal, an offer to babysit are “cups of cold water” given in Jesus’ name. They help lighten another’s load in the most literal sense.

“It’s God’s problem. He should worry”
To be honest, it is a relief to acknowledge my limits, and accept my inability to fix others. When I do, I find I worry less. I pray more. My focus centers on God’s sufficiency rather than specific problems. And I am more likely to pay attention when God leads me to how and when I should act, or if it is best for me just to concentrate on prayer.

At most I might be a small part of a solution to someone’s problem. I am certainly not meant to be The Solution. Only God can be that; when I try, I just get in the way.

Accepting my limits frees me to do what God has already asked me to do—what we are all called to do in this world: love people. This love may take the form of prayer, encouragement, listening, and/or serving.

It’s our job to love folks. It’s God’s job to fix them.

Recent Series: NOMB Part I: Letting God Be The Fixer; Patience

NOMB Part I: Letting God Be The Fixer

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by Lydia Floren

NOMB (None Of My Business) Part I: Letting God Be The Fixer

Fixing Things

I am a fixer by nature and nurture. By nature, according to the Myers-Briggs personality test I am an Extroverted-Intuiter-Feeler-Perceiver, and ENFP’s like me enjoy solving problems. You could say that my tendency to want to fix things is hardwired in my DNA. By nurture, I grew up the middle child. As such, I was the de facto ambassador in parental negotiations and the swing vote in sibling disputes. My fix-it-ness was reinforced in medical school, where I learned to analyze and diagnose and advise and treat all sorts of ailments. You could say I had a “license to fix.”

But nothing has fine-tuned my fixing skills more than motherhood. As every parent knows, moms are required to fix all kinds of stuff like scrapes, scuffles, bad manners, and hurt feelings. Oh yeah, and spilled milk, throw-up, and crises in the carpool. And—lest we forget–moms are more often than not responsible for fixing dinner.

No wonder it is hard for me to turn off that fixing nature. (And why would I want to? I’m so good at it! But I must—MUST– resist the urge. Fixing other people’s lives is waaaaay out of my job description. It is one thing to help someone solve a problem when asked (such as in my role as physician), or when someone depends on you (as in mothering a small child). But most of the time people don’t need—or want–me to diagnose what is wrong with them and try to correct it. That is almost always the worst thing a person can do. Ask any teenager.

Folks, including teenagers, just want to be loved and accepted. They want to be enjoyed for who they are. They want someone to believe in them and pray for them. People want someone to listen while they talk out their dilemmas so they can come up with their own solutions.

SIGH.

OK, so how does one curb this fixing habit? Here’s a great start: Remind yourself every day that YOU ARE NOT GOD.

Note to self: I am not God.

I am not God. I know this shocks those of you who know me, but I just wanted to get it out there so you could get used to the idea.

Here are a few additional reminders that are helping me curb my fixing habit:

I don’t know the big picture. I do not have enough information to even judge what another person’s problems are, much less to solve them. I might see glimpses, but they are just that—flashes of insight. It takes much more information than this to make an accurate diagnosis and recommend a remedy. As we in medicine like to say, “A little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing.”
I don’t have the skills. Another axiom in the practice of medicine is, “Know your limits.” Not only do I lack adequate information, I also lack the ability to “fix” someone else.
It is not my job. As much as I might act like it sometimes, God has not asked me to fix anyone. I don’t think He ever would, and it would be beyond me if He did.
My “fixing” might hurt more than it helps.

What about you? Do you ever have the inclination to try to FIX THINGS? If so, then repeat after me:

“I am not God. I am not God. I am not God.”

Oh, gracious! There I go again. Now I’m trying to fix YOU! Ugh!

Recent Series: Learning to Fish, Our Problems Are Not The Problem, Four Practical Steps