Tag Archives: Relationships

Can we really count on God to meet all of our needs?

YES.

Really? How can we know this?

All I have needed Thy hand hath provided.

Great is Thy faithfulness Lord unto me.

Thomas Chisholm wrote these words, and sang them with confidence because he made a habit of remembering. He chose over and over again to recall all the times that God had provided for him.

When doubts creep in, make a habit of remembering. Choose–and then continue to choose– to bring to mind God’s past faithfulness in your life, and in the lives of others. And then choose to thank God for His consistent loving care.

The longer we follow God, the louder we sing

Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord unto me.

Once I was young, and now I am old. Yet I have never seen the godly abandoned or their children begging for bread. Psalm 37:25

Related Posts: Great Is Thy Faithfulness

Recent Series: NOMB Part I, NOMB Part II, NOMB Part III

Spring In The North Woods

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by Lydia Floren

Spring is different in the North Woods, more than any other place I have lived. It is greatly anticipated by all who live here (especially a southerner like me) but still arrives unexpectedly.

One day it is winter.

The next day, spring.

Overnight—or so it seems–tulips bravely push past the cold. Green grass peaks through melting snow.

The woods blush with leaf-buds.

And then apple trees blossom.

And lilacs.

Wisconsin spring is beautiful. And brief. Almost in the blink of an eye the flowers fade, the woods unfurl a startling array of greens.

Summer.

Wisconsin summers take my breath away. The days are warm, but not scorching. The grass is a lush carpet, caressing my bare feet. The cool evenings stretch until 9:30 or 10, inviting me to linger on the back porch to watch the dusk settle, feel the breeze, listen to the fading echoes of children at play.

I am ashamed to say that even in summer, I can become inured, and then immune to the season’s magnificence. But the change of seasons in the North woods stops me in my tracks. Every year. Every season. The shifts–winter to spring to summer to fall–shout God’s greatness, His creativeness, His startling sense of beauty.

I can’t help but wonder. And awe. And give thanks, not only for the beauty surrounding me, but for the God who made all of this—who made each of us, His pinnacle creations.

I will give thanks to you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well.

Happy summer!

NOMB Part II: Curbing The Impulse To Fix Others

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by Lydia Floren

NOMB (None Of My Business) Part II: Curbing The Impulse To Fix Others

When I see someone else’s struggle and “feel their pain”, I want so much to make it better. WHAT’s a person to DO? Here are a few tips:

#1 Face yourself:

Check your motives. Be honest with yourself about why you want to make it right. Your urge to fix is probably not as altruistic as it seems. Our motives are often mixed: sure we want to help, but we may also want to avoid the discomfort of watching others suffer or the annoyance of their “imperfection.”
Accept your limits in understanding and skill, and the specific ways God has asked you to serve in this world.

#2 Remind yourself of truth:

Pain is important. We are programmed to avoid pain at any cost, but experiencing pain is necessary; the stove’s heat or the wind’s cold prompt us to practical action. Leprosy is a malady where the nerves that detect pain are destroyed. Much of the disfigurement of leprosy comes because of the lack of feeling, not from the disease itself: a burn goes undetected, or an infection untreated, which leads to irrevocable tissue damage. Pain notifies us of danger or a need to change, even if that is just taking better care of ourselves.
Suffering is a part of life on earth. “In the world,” Jesus said, “you will have tribulation. But take courage: I have overcome the world.” He understands that we will have suffering—He experienced it himself many times. But he also knows that accepting hardship is not admitting defeat: far from it. God works all things out for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes.
God uses all the pain in our lives, and sometimes He allows us to suffer for a reason. If He does so, He can be trusted: He has a good purpose in it, either for us or for someone else.
Your fixing can actually do more harm than good. What you think is helpful for someone else can often be downright harmful; how could you possibly know?

#3 Pray:

Thank God that
He is at work in this situation, and good will come of it.
His love for you and your loved ones is much greater than your own.
His ideas, His strategy, His perspective, His understanding are far beyond you’re own.
He will let you know if He wants you to do something in this situation.
He will give you the self-control to resist the urge to step in where you don’t belong, and the courage to step forward when He leads you to act.
Talk to God about the specifics. He already knows what is going on, but also knows that you need the listening ear of a loved one to hear your concerns. (It really helps. Trust me.)
Ask God what He wants you to do or not do.
Listen for His answers.

#4 Act: There are many ways God MAY ask you to help. You might be led to do one or a combination of the following:

Intercede. Often when I see difficulties in another’s life, I feel like God’s primary request is for me is to pray for that person. This is not a last resort. It is actually the most powerful action I can take because prayers invite the power of God’s spirit into the situation. Perfect power and perfect love, working on the problem! Who doesn’t want that?
Encourage. The most important thing a person can do–outside of praying–for someone in difficulty is to encourage them. Encouragement can be as simple as a smile, a hug, a note, or a shared laugh. It is easy to encourage via phone, text, Facebook, or email. A moment of thoughtfulness can make a world of difference in someone’s day, especially when they are going through a hard time.
Listen. God gave us two ears and one mouth, right? Listening is a powerful encouragement. Giving someone a safe place to articulate a problem or vent emotion is actually therapeutic. I have seen this over and over in the practice of medicine.
Serve. Practical acts of service, such as a gift, a visit, a meal, an offer to babysit are “cups of cold water” given in Jesus’ name. They help lighten another’s load in the most literal sense.

“It’s God’s problem. He should worry”
To be honest, it is a relief to acknowledge my limits, and accept my inability to fix others. When I do, I find I worry less. I pray more. My focus centers on God’s sufficiency rather than specific problems. And I am more likely to pay attention when God leads me to how and when I should act, or if it is best for me just to concentrate on prayer.

At most I might be a small part of a solution to someone’s problem. I am certainly not meant to be The Solution. Only God can be that; when I try, I just get in the way.

Accepting my limits frees me to do what God has already asked me to do—what we are all called to do in this world: love people. This love may take the form of prayer, encouragement, listening, and/or serving.

It’s our job to love folks. It’s God’s job to fix them.

Recent Series: NOMB Part I: Letting God Be The Fixer; Patience

NOMB Part I: Letting God Be The Fixer

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by Lydia Floren

NOMB (None Of My Business) Part I: Letting God Be The Fixer

Fixing Things

I am a fixer by nature and nurture. By nature, according to the Myers-Briggs personality test I am an Extroverted-Intuiter-Feeler-Perceiver, and ENFP’s like me enjoy solving problems. You could say that my tendency to want to fix things is hardwired in my DNA. By nurture, I grew up the middle child. As such, I was the de facto ambassador in parental negotiations and the swing vote in sibling disputes. My fix-it-ness was reinforced in medical school, where I learned to analyze and diagnose and advise and treat all sorts of ailments. You could say I had a “license to fix.”

But nothing has fine-tuned my fixing skills more than motherhood. As every parent knows, moms are required to fix all kinds of stuff like scrapes, scuffles, bad manners, and hurt feelings. Oh yeah, and spilled milk, throw-up, and crises in the carpool. And—lest we forget–moms are more often than not responsible for fixing dinner.

No wonder it is hard for me to turn off that fixing nature. (And why would I want to? I’m so good at it! But I must—MUST– resist the urge. Fixing other people’s lives is waaaaay out of my job description. It is one thing to help someone solve a problem when asked (such as in my role as physician), or when someone depends on you (as in mothering a small child). But most of the time people don’t need—or want–me to diagnose what is wrong with them and try to correct it. That is almost always the worst thing a person can do. Ask any teenager.

Folks, including teenagers, just want to be loved and accepted. They want to be enjoyed for who they are. They want someone to believe in them and pray for them. People want someone to listen while they talk out their dilemmas so they can come up with their own solutions.

SIGH.

OK, so how does one curb this fixing habit? Here’s a great start: Remind yourself every day that YOU ARE NOT GOD.

Note to self: I am not God.

I am not God. I know this shocks those of you who know me, but I just wanted to get it out there so you could get used to the idea.

Here are a few additional reminders that are helping me curb my fixing habit:

I don’t know the big picture. I do not have enough information to even judge what another person’s problems are, much less to solve them. I might see glimpses, but they are just that—flashes of insight. It takes much more information than this to make an accurate diagnosis and recommend a remedy. As we in medicine like to say, “A little bit of knowledge is a dangerous thing.”
I don’t have the skills. Another axiom in the practice of medicine is, “Know your limits.” Not only do I lack adequate information, I also lack the ability to “fix” someone else.
It is not my job. As much as I might act like it sometimes, God has not asked me to fix anyone. I don’t think He ever would, and it would be beyond me if He did.
My “fixing” might hurt more than it helps.

What about you? Do you ever have the inclination to try to FIX THINGS? If so, then repeat after me:

“I am not God. I am not God. I am not God.”

Oh, gracious! There I go again. Now I’m trying to fix YOU! Ugh!

Recent Series: Learning to Fish, Our Problems Are Not The Problem, Four Practical Steps

Savoring A Taste of Heaven. Joy Lives In Contentment.

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by Lydia Floren

One Saturday last August, Andrew and I blasted ourselves out of our rut and spent the day boating on nearby Lake Wissota. It was a perfect Wisconsin summer day. The water, hemmed by lush green, shimmered in the quiet morning light. The sun was warm, not hot, and a gentle breeze was rustling the trees.

For the first half of the day, we puttered from one end of the lake to the other. I was preoccupied. My thoughts kept drifting away from this beauty to the restlessness of “I wants.” I want to live on the water. How could we find a way to do it? Where would be the best place to live? Wonder what the property values and taxes are? Is it feasible? Wonder how much that property costs? I was distracted by what I didn’t have, instead of focusing on what I had been given:

A gorgeous day.
The company of my wonderful husband.
A panorama of natural beauty.

About midway through the day, I pulled out my camera and started snapping pictures. My attention was captured by lily pads and weeping willows, craggy cliffs, wild flowers, and of course the water–rippling, reflecting, shimmering, and sparkling. An awareness of my surroundings remained long after I stowed my camera. I noticed the quiet sounds of crickets buzzing and water lapping. I felt the tangled senses of sun-warmth and cool breeze. I experienced the gentle rock of the boat lulling me to sleep. I was content.

God offers me tastes of heaven every day–and every day I choose. Do I strain to look beyond the amazing gifts in front of me? Or, do I savor the blessings I have already been given?

Joy lives in contentment.

(BTW, I didn’t photograph a single house.)

Share with us: How do you remain content? We would love to hear from you.

Recent posts: Circling Back, Sharing a Sunset, Enjoying God’s Presence.

Circling Back

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u turn arrow

Circling Back

by Lydia Floren

God loves me—personally, and intimately.

I feel like God has taught me a lot over the years, but it all seems to circle back to the fact that He loves me. Me, personally. Not me as a part of the universal blob known as Humanity, though He does love every person He created. He loves me–individually, personally, intimately.

I can feel like such a stranger to that love.

I am so frustrated that after all this time of reading and writing on God’s love, I can feel like such a stranger to that love. I don’t know what the barrier is, but I want to break through it and let that love stream into my heart and soul. It has before. What is hindering it now?

I have drifted.

I think it is what it always is. I have drifted. My focus has drifted away from God somehow. I get caught up in what I am doing, the project I am working on, the plans I have made. Or I get distracted by obstacles, or fears, or hurts. I don’t stay focused–in my mind and heart–on Him.

He knows this happens.

He knows this happens. Maybe even expects it. Yet He isn’t angry, or impatient, or annoyed. He is just waiting. He is waiting by the well of His living water—His love. He is waiting for me to come back and drink deeply, and resume our conversation. He is waiting for me to recognize my fear as the sign it is—a lack of focus on Him—and to return. And focus.

Circling Back

When I do return—and I do, because once I have tasted the joy of being loved, I don’t want to be without it–He doesn’t want me to fill up my canteen and take off again. He wants me to wait: to wait with Him, and to wait for Him. To wait with Him as He heals a wound or rectifies a false belief or misunderstanding. To wait for Him to signal when it is time to move ahead once again.

Hopefully in my journey, as I learn to wait with Him, and to wait for Him, I will find myself circling back less and less,. Because I know God’s desire for me is to travel in tandem with Him every day, enjoying His loving presence as I go.

How do you circle back? Please bless us with your insights!

Sharing a sunset. Enjoying the presence of God.

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by Lydia Floren

“Solitude is not withdrawal in order to get away. It is withdrawal in order to be with Someone who normally gets crowded out of our lives…. it is the place of love and trust. It therefore puts presence before action and seeks companionship before help.” (Charles Rigma)

So many times when I am alone with God, I have an agenda. I might want perspective, or wisdom, or direction, or healing of some sort. But I think much of that time with HIm would be better spent not seeking anything, except to just hang out with Him. No agenda. No words, really. Just two friends relishing a companionable silence—aware of each other, but not expecting from each other. We have an understanding: I enjoy His presence, and He enjoys mine.

I liken it to sitting with a close friend at the beach watching a sunset. Though no words are exchanged, the connectedness is almost palpable. And the silence between us seems to magnify the beauty surrounding us.

In Heaven, I expect God and I will share many such quiet moments, enjoying the sweep of a mountain vista, the trill of a child’s laugh. Or the velvet touch of a horse’s nuzzle, or the fragrance of a rose in bloom. But those experiences will pale compared to the stunning beauty of God Himself. His integrity. His wisdom. His vitality. His strength. His gentleness.

heaven is a ways off, thought, and there is much yet to do in this life. People to help. Commitments to keep. Plans to make, and then to follow.

There is a journey. And I am on it.

However, I must remember: part of that journey includes tasting a bit of heaven from time to time. It is dangling my legs over a seawall with a Good Friend, watching the horizon together in companionable silence. It is enjoying My Creator’s presence, not for what I can learn from Him, or for what He can do for me—but simply because He is there, and I love Him, and He loves me.

And because it is just nice to share a sunset together.

Share with us: How do you find the time to enjoy God’s company?

Recent posts – Time Management Series: Taking Aim: Goal Series – Part I, Beginning With The End In Mi nd: Goal Series – Part II, The Right Things For The Right Reasons: Goal Series – Part III

It’s Not Just About You

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by Lydia Floren

A while back I wrote a blog It’s not about you or is it? Before we can turn our attention to loving others, we must first accept who we are, recognize our needs, and choose to allow God to meet our needs.

Two key parts of this process are:

Identifying faulty coping mechanisms or ways we have tried to meet these needs in the past.
Replacing these coping mechanisms with constructive habits that will make way for God to move in our lives and meet our needs.

Reminder: We all have needs.

Everyone has a need for food, shelter, but we also have needs that are in some ways deeper, needs for love and affection, a sense of identity and value, and belonging.

Coping mechanisms

And we all have developed habits—or ways of coping—in order to meet those needs. With some of these habits, we rely on ourselves. With others, we expect other people to meet our needs. Here are a few examples of coping mechanisms:

Grabbing what you can when you can: attention, love, stuff. Focusing on what you want, and not what god says you need. Calling wants needs.
Controlling things around you so that you can be comfortable and secure: our environment, relationships, and living by a rigid structure.
Denying that you have needs.
Escaping life by immersing yourself in TV, gaming, social media, alcohol or other means of escape.
Floating along, refusing to take responsibility for your life, your actions, or–even more telling—your inaction.
Expecting others to meet your needs. Relying on other people to make you happy. Assuming that anyone and everyone else’s job is to make you happy.
Assuming that your own happiness, comfort, and success is more important than someone else’s’, or that their happiness is more important than yours.

Replace these coping mechanisms. Living a life guided by God is living a life increasingly free of the faulty habits we have so carefully cultivated. In Psalm 139 David prays:

Search me Oh God, and know my heart. Try me and know my anxious thoughts. And see if there be any hurtful way in me, and lead me in the everlasting way. Psalm 139: 23-24

Here are a few of God’s ways that can replace our coping mechanisms:

Giving. Keep what you will use, and give the rest away.
Letting go. Learning to rely on God to meet your needs and not yourself. The secret of being content in every situation, whether you have much or little.
Accepting your needs, and the importance that they are met.
Facing life, including its hard parts, knowing that you are not alone: God is with you and within you.
Owning your life. Quit playing the victim and accept responsibility, and that your decisions, as well as your indecisions, have consequences.
Releasing expectations. Hope in God, not people. God is the meeter of your needs, not other people. Sometimes He uses people, sometimes He doesn’t. But He often meets your needs in ways you don’t expect.
Recognizing that you are important, and everyone else is, too. Life isn’t a competition, it’s a collaboration.

Our needs are 100% met by Christ. Because of Him, we don’t have to hide, or hang on to anything or any person.

There is enough. There is more than enough. Our cup overflows.

And my God shall supply all of your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. Phil 4:19

Once we accept the truth of God’s provision, we can take our eyes off ourselves and give as God would have us give–live as God would have us live.

Share with us: What are you doing to overcome your unhealthy coping mechanisms? How are you making room to let God in?

Belovedlove

Tag Archives: Relationships

Our Deepest Need

The Truth About God (God’s Company Part 2)

All I have needed, Thy hand hath provided

Spring In The North Woods

NOMB Part II: Curbing The Impulse To Fix Others

NOMB Part I: Letting God Be The Fixer

Savoring A Taste of Heaven. Joy Lives In Contentment.

Circling Back

Circling Back

God loves me—personally, and intimately.

I can feel like such a stranger to that love.

I have drifted.

He knows this happens.

Circling Back

Sharing a sunset. Enjoying the presence of God.

It’s Not Just About You