New Year, New Plans

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As we kick off 2019, many of us are re-evaluating things and looking ahead to the new year. We are making resolutions, thinking about new habits, and seeking God’s direction in our lives.

I have written many posts – even series of posts – that are relevant to the “planning season” of the year, so this week I thought I’d give you a roundup of 5 posts I’ve written in previous years around this time (or on similar topics), so you can revisit the ones that you need most this week:

sunset over the sea

Last year I laid out my “Four Steps to Planning the Year.” This is a great place to start if you don’t already have a process for yourself.

I wrote a series of three posts on Goals – starting with “Taking Aim”. If you need to review and revisit your goals, this would be a great place for you to start.

Over mountain scene, "For I know the plans that I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope. Jef. 29:11

This four-part planning series, beginning with “God’s Plan A,” deals with God’s plans for us, how we can know if we need to re-evaluate, different ways of planning, and praying through planning.

2:5:16 Pray Plan Pray

If praying through your plans is the area you want to focus on, read “Pray Plan Pray” for my framework for praying at the beginning of the year.

3:9:16 Prepping for success

“Prepping for Success” is a post I wrote about how I stay focused on my daily meeting with God. If you are looking to start a new habit this year, and particularly if that habit is staying focused in your daily meetings with God, read this post for my best tips.

The Good Will Christmas Tradition—De-stressing Christmas

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A few years ago, I gave up on gift giving–at least the spend-wads-of-money kind of giving. No matter how hard I tried or how much money I spent, I couldn’t find the “perfect” gift for every family member. So one year, I announced to our family that “Santa” was going to keep filling the stockings, and would give everyone some money, but any other gifts would be coming from a thrift store.

Thus began the Floren Good Will Christmas Tradition.

Having a ball

It has been awesome. All year long I have a ball “finding” gifts at thrift shops and garage sales. At the holidays, I still fill everyone’s stocking but all (well, most) the wrapped gifts by the stockings are from Good Will. The rule is that if anyone doesn’t want their gift (no hurt feelings) they set it in the middle of the coffee table for someone else to claim. Whatever doesn’t get scarfed up goes back to the thrift store.

It’s a win-win. Each person had some presents to open, and I don’t have to feel like I wasted tons of time and money on gifts people didn’t like and would have to take back anyway.

A couple of years ago the kids added their own touch to our Good Will Christmases. After they all fly into town, they go out together (often to Good Will 😊) to find stuff to fill my stocking. Instead of giving presents to each other, they decided they would each give each other $20 and a card, with the understanding that after Christmas we would all go out shopping together.

I don’t know how long this tradition will last, but we have been doing it several years and no one wants to go back! Instead of stressing about gift-giving, we spend a lot more time laughing about mom’s quirky presents and enjoying each other’s company. And singing Happy Birthday to Jesus.

What ideas have you found to de-stress Christmas?

The Baby Jesus Crisis

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At Christmas time our kids used to love to play with the nativity set. No, not the fancy white porcelain one. That one was safe on a ledge out of reach. I mean the everyday nativity set with the brown barn and multicolored figures.

Needless to say, with all that use, we lost a fair amount of pieces over the years. Most of the time a missing piece wasn’t that big a deal. After all, do we really know how many wise men there were? And a shepherd looked a lot like Joseph anyway right?

The Baby Jesus Crisis

However, when baby Jesus went missing (which happened on more than one occasion)? Now that was a real crisis. You can’t really have a Christmas story without baby Jesus. Do you know how hard it is to find an infant-in-a-manger figurine just the right size for our old but beloved nativity set?

When I set out our ragtag collection of figurines this year, I remembered the baby Jesus crisis. How could I forget? Our current baby Jesus is a little oversized compared to the other pieces.

Y’all know where I am going with this, right?

As you celebrate Christmas this year, don’t lose baby Jesus. He is the pivotal piece in this story. Every day, make time–and take time–to connect with Him. Even—especially–if it means doing a few less things.

Anxiety from a Doctor’s Perspective – Banishing Anxiety Part 6

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Anxiety is epidemic in our culture. Being a physician, I see it all the time. And while I think the spiritual and emotional aspects of anxiety are crucial to treatment, I think that medical therapy is also a good option at times. Anxiety is linked to our brain chemistry, so when our chemistry is off, we experience the feeling of anxiety.

The chicken or the egg?

So the question is, which came first, the chicken or the egg? Is our brain chemistry altered, and that is why we are anxious? Or are we anxious or afraid, and that alters our brain chemistry? Well, usually a bit of both.

Back in the day

Most of us have some underlying anxiety—manifested by altered brain chemistry– simply because of the overstimulated technical culture we live in. 100 years ago when someone plowed a field or churned butter, or took the clothes off the line, they were inadvertently balancing out that brain chemistry with exercise and fresh air and non-processed food. Today, not so much. Processed foods, an imbalanced diet, poor sleep habits, minimal exercise and indoor living all add to our general levels of stress and anxiety.

Anxiety in the genes

There are others of us that have a hereditary predisposition to anxiety. In our family, long before anyone knew much about this problem, my cousins would talk about “The Lowe disease.” They were referring to the fact that just about every person on my father’s side-the Lowe side– of the family has struggled with significant anxiety and panic attacks.

Bottom line

Whether it’s the chicken or the egg, the end result is that many of us suffer from life-altering and sometimes incapacitating anxiety. Fortunately, physicians have some excellent tools for treating anxiety disorders so that people don’t have to be debilitated by this problem.

Alter our environments:

There are three ways we can alter our environments that might help.

Change what we eat, by eliminating caffeine, processed foods, refined carbohydrates, preservatives, and drinking lots of water.
Get more sleep, guarding our time so that we get adequate amounts of rest and sleep.
Exercise. It’s helpful if we increase our heart rate for at least 20 minutes a day, most days of the week.

Therapy:

There are some great new therapies to help with anxiety, and consulting with a licensed therapist or counselor can greatly help.

Medication:

When I went into practice, the only medication we had for anxiety was Valium. That was it. Now there are a variety of meds that can greatly help with this disorder. Sometimes we only need them for a while, so that we can function enough to work on non-medication methods of dealing with anxiety, or to get through a very stressful situation. Other times, we need them for a more prolonged period of treatment, or even for a lifetime, if the brain chemistry problem is inherent.

Anxiety is a huge problem in our society, and those of us who practice medicine see it all the time. Fortunately, God has provided lots of ways for us to banish this problem from our lives. First and foremost, as I have mentioned in previous posts, we need to connect with God, and receive His guidance in the best path for us to overcome this. Many times He provides through helping us see the lies we believe, and replacing them with truth. Other times He provides by increasing our perspective or helping us to understand our past. And sometimes He provides for us through therapy, and/or medication. Just like a diabetic needs insulin, sometimes people need medication to straighten out their brain chemistry and overcome anxiety.

When was the last time you struggled with anxiety, and what did you find helpful? Leave a comment below, or join the conversation on social media.

Read all of my previous posts on anxiety here:

A Different Kind of Thanksgiving

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A Different Kind of Thanksgiving

by Lydia Floren

We have a family tradition on Thanksgiving, one that y’all might have, too. During our Thanksgiving meal, each person at the table will take a turn to share things we are thankful for. For the past few years, I remember being thankful for my mother-in-law Kathy—that she was with us, and that she was healthy. Since moving here over a decade ago, Kathy has been an integral part of our lives. And, she has had some serious medical problems that could have drastically altered her ability to be independent and enjoy life. And, by God’s grace, she has continued to enjoy a sharp mind (despite Wernike’s encephalopathy), two functioning legs (with advanced vascular disease), and clear vision (though with macular degeneration).

A few weeks ago, however, Kathy faced an obstacle that she wasn’t able to overcome–a broken hip. This major event upset the applecart of her delicately balanced health and led to her demise last week. She was 88 years old. We will miss her.

A Different Kind of Thanksgiving

This Thanksgiving will be different. Kathy’s place at dinner will be noticeably vacant. When we go around the table, I am sure we will give thanks for her life, and the many “bonus” years we got to have with her. Two days later, we will gather with family and friends to celebrate her life. And we will rejoice that, because of God’s grace, we will see her again one day.

Relationships—One of God’s Greatest Gifts to Us

In the end, life is about relationships. It is one of God’s greatest gifts to us. This Thanksgiving, thank God for the people in your life, present or absent. Give thanks for the many ways they have blessed you. And thank God that, someday, there will be no absent places at the table, because we will all be gathered around His huge table, overwhelmed with food and love and laughter.

Thank You for Being You

On that note, I just want you to know that I am thankful for each of you, who read this blog– some near, but most far away. Thank you for encouraging me with your kind words, and trusting me with your vulnerability, and challenging me with your faith, and lifting me up with your prayers.

I am very thankful that one day we will all be sitting together sharing a meal, laughing and remembering, loving and being loved.

I thank God in all my remembrance of you. Philippians 3:1

Putting Things in Perspective – Banishing Anxiety Part 5

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Putting Things in Perspective

Banishing Anxiety Part 5

by Lydia Floren

This series on anxiety has been fun. And, honestly, I could probably write on this topic for a whole year. Not because of my tremendous knowledge about anxiety, but because of my vast experience with it! Here’s an example: For the last four years or so, I’ve been writing a book on learning to live a God-guided life. Four years is a long time, and I am ready to be done with it. But, I’ve realized that one of my biggest obstacles in finishing my book, is me–more specifically, my fear.

My fears about writing

What am I afraid of? Well, I’m afraid of lots of things. Believe it or not, I am afraid of finishing the book. My perfectionist self plagues me with the “what if’s.” What if I finish it, and no one wants to publish it? What if it is published, but no one wants to read it? And what if they read it, but they find it boring or irrelevant? Or lacking in important ways?

Oddly enough, I’m also afraid of not finishing the book. What if I take so long to write this, that I die before I finish it? (Plenty of people younger than me headline the obituaries every day.) What if someone needed to read it, but never had the opportunity, because my fears and perfectionism and busyness got in the way of completing my book?

Frozen

Sigh. If I am afraid of finishing the book, and also afraid of not finishing it, I am well and truly stuck. Frozen in the twilight zone of fear that we perfectionists (even those in recovery like me), often find ourselves.

Getting unstuck

What gets me unstuck? Reminding myself to put things in perspective. This little tome I am working on is not the only book I am writing – and certainly not My Most Important Book. The Most Important Book I am writing is my life. Each day in my life-book is a page. And every word on the page is powerful. Every kindness. Every smile. Every encouragement. Every hug. Every choice to forgive. Every moment of listening. Every confidence kept. Every murmur of thanksgiving.

All these words, these pages, make more of a difference than any volume we might publish – or anything we “accomplish” for that matter. Our Most Important Boo – our life-book – is already touching people in ways we don’t even realize. And it won’t be until after the book is finished and we go to heaven, that we will get to see just how much it has mattered to the people we love, as well as to those we randomly encounter.

Relax

When I put things in perspective – when I remind myself of what is most important – I can relax about my smaller project. I quit getting my panties in a wad about the little imperfections. I just do my best, and trust that God will use it however He wants to. And I know that, even if it never sees the light of day, the process of writing it has already blessed me tremendously.

Every day, I’m churning out the words of my Most Important Book. The plot is complicated. The main character manages to get in lots of messes. But she never loses hope, because the Hero is there every step of the way. And though I don’t yet know the details, I can tell you it’s going to have a great ending.

Are you feeling anxious?

Are you feeling anxious? Step back and get a little perspective. Remind yourself that your Most Important Book, your Masterpiece, is coming along nicely. And, it is already having an impact. Sure, the syntax isn’t perfect, and yeah, there are a few misspelled words. But the plot is captivating, and the ending is going to be awesome.

PSSST. FYI, From what I understand, there’s a sequel in the works, and it’s going to be an even better story.

Another Way — Banishing Anxiety Part 4

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Another Way

Another Way Banishing Anxiety Part 4

by Lydia Floren

Anxiety is a difficult emotion to understand, much less overcome. In this blog series, we have identified some great questions we can ask ourselves to help dispel our anxiety:

Today, we are going to look at another option we can choose, in response to anxiety, besides fighting or fleeing.

Another Way

As believers, when we are faced with anxiety or fear, we have a third, much more powerful choice, that shatters this fear-flight-fight cycle. Instead of fighting or fleeing, we can make the choice to focus, and then to stand.

Focus on Truth

One of the most effective ways of banishing anxiety is to focus on truth. Filling our minds with truth displaces our fear. Here are some truths I tell myself to remember, when I am feeling anxious:

Remember:

Who you are—God’s precious child, one who He dearly loves and cherishes.
Who God is—present, intelligent, powerful, wise, communicative, protective.
What is really going on in the world. We are imperfect people, living in an imperfect world. We are called to help others know God’s love, by loving them in our own unique (and often imperfect) way.

Stand Firm

In Ephesians 6, after Paul said to put on the full armor of God, he didn’t say, “Ok now go out and kill some people.” Paul said stand your ground. STAND FIRM.

“Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place.” Ephesians 6:13-14

The reason we are able to stand–that we aren’t compelled to fight or to flee–is because God is with us, and within us, keeping us safe. Nothing and no one can touch or change the identity, value, belonging, calling He has given us. In Isaiah 41:10, God reminds us:

“Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

In other words,

Hey, don’t be scared. I am right here. Don’t go looking around for a place to hide, or for some means of protecting yourself. You don’t have to fight or run. Just focus on the truth, and stand firm. I am here with you. I will keep you safe. And, I will give you the strength and confidence you need to weather the storm.

So, next time you are anxious, ask yourself these questions:

What’s the matter?
What am I afraid of?
How am I reacting?
What truth can I stand on?

Instead of fighting or fleeing, remember that there is another, and often better way to respond to anxiety. Focus on the truth, and stand firm. You are safe. You are not alone. And you are not on your own.

Fight or Flight? — Banishing Anxiety Part 3

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Fight or Flight? Banishing Anxiety Part 3

by Lydia Floren

In my last blog, I talked about identifying the nebulous feeling of anxiety, which is really a form of fear, and asking the question What am I afraid of?

What AM I afraid of?

Are you feeling anxious? Take a moment and ask yourself, What AM I afraid of? Am I afraid of loss? Of physical pain? Job loss or financial ruin? Homelessness? The unknown, or the future? Do I fear rejection or loneliness? Death, or the process of dying? Am I afraid of failing? Letting other people down? Or myself? Or letting God down?

How am I reacting to this fear?

Once we identify what we are afraid of, another great question we can ask ourselves is How am I reacting to this fear? Typically, when we are afraid or anxious we react in one of 2 ways: fight or flight.

Fight

One option we might choose when we are afraid is to fight – to try as hard as we can to push our fears away. This fighting usually doesn’t involve fists or guns. But, though our means of combat are subtle, make no mistake: we are actively defending ourselves. For example, when we feel threatened we might try to manipulate, or control, our situation. Or, we might work hard to be financially independent, or super-healthy, or to have everyone like us, or to be in charge, or to win. Or, to be recognized or praised. Any time we push forward in response to fear, we are in fight mode.

Flight

When we are afraid, if we don’t feel like we can fight, we tend to run and hide. We check out of life. We might flee by withdrawing into alcohol, or Netflix, or the internet, or a hobby. Or, reading a book. Or, even work. When we withdraw as a reaction to fear, we are in flight mode.

When you feel afraid, do you usually fight or flee? Usually, based on our personality and life experiences, we favor one response or the other.

So how about you? How do you react when you feel threatened?

What Am I Afraid of? Banishing Anxiety Part 2

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by Lydia Floren

The first step toward banishing anxiety is recognizing it is there. The signs of anxiety can be subtle: irritability, depression, desire to escape, mental fogginess, lack of concentration, tendency toward isolation, change in personality. So if we sit back for a minute, and ask ourselves, “What is the matter?”, and identify that we are anxious, we can move forward towards dispelling it.

But before we talk about the next step in banishing anxiety, let’s talk about what anxiety is.

What is anxiety?

So, what is anxiety, really? There are all kinds of fancy definitions, but the bottom line is this: anxiety is fear. If you are anxious, you are afraid. You might be afraid of something in particular. Or, of multiple things. Or, you might have a generalized sense of fear all the time, which we doctors call “generalized anxiety disorder.”

What am I afraid of?

The first step in banishing anxiety is to admit that we have it. The second step is to ask ourselves, What am I afraid of? What has changed? What is bothering me so much that my peace and hope has evaporated? What fear has paralyzed me, or kept me stuck in a cycle of discouragement and worry?

So, what AM I afraid of?

Recently I have noticed some of the signs that let me know my anxiety levels are up. So what am I afraid of? Me, personally? Right now, I am afraid of losing my mother-in-law. She is 88 years old, and for the last couple of months has been in and out of the hospital (mostly in), with multiple medical problems. I am afraid of her having to suffer. And of watching her suffer. I am afraid of doing too much for her when she is ready to go. And I am afraid of not doing enough. And, most of all, I am afraid of losing her.

Once I identify these fears, I can bring them to my Heavenly Father, my friend who is closer than a brother, who says “You don’t need to be afraid. I am here with you. You are not alone. And you are not on your own. I love her more than you do. And I will help you, and the rest of her family, help her make the right decisions. And when the time is right, I will bring her home to Me. Just relax. And trust me. Rest in me. Rest with me.”

As I write these words, God’s inexplicable peace settles over me.

And the fear, the anxiety, goes away.

Are you feeling unsettled? Not yourself? Take a moment and ask yourself: What am I afraid of?

What’s the Matter? Banishing Anxiety Part 1

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What’s the Matter? Banishing Anxiety Part 1

by Lydia Floren

I’ve been anxious lately. Wow. Just admitting that is powerful.

It’s not always easy for me to recognize anxiety in myself. It creeps up on me. I don’t realize what is going on at first. I just know that instead of being hopeful and confident, I start to second guess myself. I have a harder time making decisions. My thoughts become muddled. I lose my sense of humor. I find myself withdrawing, easily annoyed–even a little paranoid. When it gets bad enough, I just want to stay in bed all day with the covers over my head.

Any one of these symptoms of anxiety can be attributed to other things. I can act in similar ways when I am tired or hungry, or haven’t been spending time with God, or have experienced a disappointment or loss. But there is a unique constellation of clues – including a change in my outlook and even my personality – that, when grouped together, help me to recognize my anxiety more readily.

What’s the matter?

Sometimes, others can also help me see it. One time, when I was at work, and I was being a real you-know-what, no one could do anything right. After huffing and fussing for an hour or two, I walked up to the nurses station. (I was probably taking a breath before I began my next rant.) But before I could say anything, Lori, one of my sweet nurses asked: “Dr. Floren, what is the matter? What is going on with you? You don’t seem like yourself today.” (Ha. No kidding.) I looked at her for a minute. And then my eyes welled up, and a tear trickled down my cheek. I sank down into a chair and put my head in my hands. “I am so sorry,“ I said. “I am flying to Asheville tomorrow to be with my only sister as she gets her first dose of chemotherapy.”

In order to banish anxiety, we have to realize it is there. Recognizing our anxiety, either through observing our behavior pattern or maybe the gentle prodding of a friend, is the first step toward dispelling it.

Are you irritable? Withdrawn? Restless? Not thinking clearly? Are your friends commenting that you are “not yourself?” Maybe you need to ask yourself, “What’s the matter? Am I anxious about something?”

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:27