{"id":897,"date":"2015-04-24T10:06:25","date_gmt":"2015-04-24T15:06:25","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/belovedlove.org\/reflections\/?p=897"},"modified":"2019-05-17T14:27:27","modified_gmt":"2019-05-17T19:27:27","slug":"nomb-part-ii-curbing-the-impulse-to-fix-others","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/belovedlove.org\/reflections\/2015\/04\/24\/nomb-part-ii-curbing-the-impulse-to-fix-others\/","title":{"rendered":"NOMB Part II: Curbing The Impulse To Fix Others"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/belovedlove.org\/reflections\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/NOMB-curb-others-rec-e1427750408388.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone size-large wp-image-913\" src=\"http:\/\/belovedlove.org\/reflections\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/04\/NOMB-curb-others-rec-1024x791.jpg\" alt=\"NOMB curb others-rec\" width=\"625\" height=\"482\" \/><\/a><a href=\"http:\/\/www.belovedlove.org\/about--lydia.html\">by Lydia Floren<\/a><\/p>\n<p>NOMB (None Of My Business) Part II: Curbing The Impulse To Fix Others<\/p>\n<p>When I see someone else\u2019s struggle and \u201cfeel their pain\u201d, I want so much to make it better. WHAT\u2019s a person to DO? Here are a few tips:<\/p>\n<p><strong>#1 Face yourself: <\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Check your motives.<\/strong> Be honest with yourself about why you want to make it right. Your urge to fix is probably not as altruistic as it seems. Our motives are often mixed: sure we want to help, but we may also want to avoid the discomfort of watching others suffer or the annoyance of their \u201cimperfection.\u201d<\/li>\n<li><strong>Accept your limits<\/strong> in understanding and skill, and the specific ways God has asked you to serve in this world.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>#2 Remind yourself of truth:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Pain is important.<\/strong> We are programmed to avoid pain at any cost, but experiencing pain is necessary; the stove\u2019s heat or the wind\u2019s cold prompt us to practical action. Leprosy is a malady where the nerves that detect pain are destroyed. Much of the disfigurement of leprosy comes because of the lack of feeling, not from the disease itself: a burn goes undetected, or an infection untreated, which leads to irrevocable tissue damage. Pain notifies us of danger or a need to change, even if that is just taking better care of ourselves.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Suffering is a part of life on earth.<\/strong> \u201cIn the world,\u201d Jesus said, \u201cyou will have tribulation. But take courage: I have overcome the world.\u201d He understands that we will have suffering\u2014He experienced it himself many times. But he also knows that accepting hardship is not admitting defeat: far from it. God works all things out for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purposes.<\/li>\n<li><strong>God uses all the pain in our lives,<\/strong> and sometimes He allows us to suffer for a reason. If He does so, He can be trusted: He has a good purpose in it, either for us or for someone else.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Your fixing can actually do more harm than good.<\/strong> What you think is helpful for someone else can often be downright harmful; how could you possibly know?<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>#3 Pray:<\/strong><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Thank God<\/strong> that<br \/>\nHe is at work in this situation, and good will come of it.<br \/>\nHis love for you and your loved ones is much greater than your own.<br \/>\nHis ideas, His strategy, His perspective, His understanding are far beyond you&#8217;re own.<br \/>\nHe will let you know if He wants you to do something in this situation.<br \/>\nHe will give you the self-control to resist the urge to step in where you don\u2019t belong, and \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0the courage to step forward when He leads you to act.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Talk to God about the specifics.<\/strong> He already knows what is going on, but also knows that you need the listening ear of a loved one to hear your concerns. (It really helps. Trust me.)<\/li>\n<li><strong>Ask God what He wants<\/strong> you to do or not do.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Listen <\/strong>for<strong> His answers.<\/strong><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>#4 Act:<\/strong> There are many ways God MAY ask you to help. You might be led to do one or a combination of the following:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><strong>Intercede.<\/strong> Often when I see difficulties in another\u2019s life, I feel like God\u2019s primary request is for me is to pray for that person. This is not a last resort. It is actually the most powerful action I can take because prayers invite the power of God\u2019s spirit into the situation. Perfect power and perfect love, working on the problem! Who doesn&#8217;t want that?<\/li>\n<li><strong>Encourage.<\/strong> The most important thing a person can do&#8211;outside of praying&#8211;for someone in difficulty is to encourage them. Encouragement can be as simple as a smile, a hug, a note, or a shared laugh. It is easy to encourage via phone, text, Facebook, or email. A moment of thoughtfulness can make a world of difference in someone\u2019s day, especially when they are going through a hard time.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Listen.<\/strong> God gave us two ears and one mouth, right? Listening is a powerful encouragement. Giving someone a safe place to articulate a problem or vent emotion is actually therapeutic. I have seen this over and over in the practice of medicine.<\/li>\n<li><strong>Serve.<\/strong> Practical acts of service, such as a gift, a visit, a meal, an offer to babysit are \u201ccups of cold water\u201d given in Jesus\u2019 name. They help lighten another\u2019s load in the most literal sense.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><strong>\u201cIt\u2019s God\u2019s problem. He should worry\u201d<\/strong><br \/>\nTo be honest, it is a relief to acknowledge my limits, and accept my inability to fix others. When I do, I find I worry less. I pray more. My focus centers on God\u2019s sufficiency rather than specific problems. And I am more likely to pay attention when God leads me to how and when I should act, or if it is best for me just to concentrate on prayer.<\/p>\n<p>At most <strong>I might be a small part<\/strong> of a solution to someone\u2019s problem. <strong>I am certainly not meant to be The Solution.<\/strong> Only God can be that; when I try, I just get in the way.<\/p>\n<p><strong>Accepting my limits frees me<\/strong> to do what God has already asked me to do\u2014what we are all called to do in this world: love people. This love may take the form of prayer, encouragement, listening, and\/or serving.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s our job to love folks. It\u2019s God\u2019s job to fix them.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/belovedlove.org\/reflections\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/03\/our-job-rec-e1427746504271.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-899 size-large\" src=\"http:\/\/belovedlove.org\/reflections\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/03\/our-job-rec-1024x791.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"625\" height=\"482\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>Recent Series:\u00a0<strong><a href=\"http:\/\/belovedlove.org\/reflections\/2015\/04\/17\/nomb-part-i-letting-god-be-the-fixer\">NOMB Part I: Letting God Be The Fixer<\/a>; <a title=\"Patience\" href=\"http:\/\/belovedlove.org\/reflections\/2014\/05\/11\/patience\/\">Patience<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n<h1 class=\"entry-title\"><\/h1>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp; by Lydia Floren NOMB (None Of My Business) Part II: Curbing The Impulse To Fix Others When I see someone else\u2019s struggle and \u201cfeel their pain\u201d, I want so much to make it better. WHAT\u2019s a person to DO? Here are a few tips: #1 Face yourself: Check your motives. Be honest with yourself [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[467,15],"tags":[6,68,8,56,23,14,47,17,24],"class_list":["post-897","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-finding-direction","category-habits","tag-gods-love","tag-habits","tag-hope-and-encouragement","tag-parenting","tag-perfectionism","tag-prayer-and-meditation","tag-relationships","tag-reminders","tag-thankfulness"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>NOMB Part II: Curbing The Impulse To Fix Others - Belovedlove<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When I see someone else\u2019s struggle and \u201cfeel their pain\u201d, I want so much to make it better. 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