{"id":34,"date":"2013-12-05T21:47:41","date_gmt":"2013-12-06T03:47:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/belovedlove.org\/reflections\/?p=34"},"modified":"2019-05-17T14:41:37","modified_gmt":"2019-05-17T19:41:37","slug":"perfect-holidays","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/belovedlove.org\/reflections\/2013\/12\/05\/perfect-holidays\/","title":{"rendered":"The Perfect Holidays"},"content":{"rendered":"

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The Perfect Holidays<\/h1>\n

by Lydia Floren<\/p>\n

\u201cHon, how bout I take care of Thanksgiving dinner this year?\u201d, \u00a0Andrew asked me a couple of weeks before this year\u2019s holiday. \u00a0\u00a0I gave him \u201cthe look,\u201d – the \u201care you crazy?\u201d look. I know what his question meant. \u00a0If he \u201ctakes care\u201d of Thanksgiving dinner it means we will go out, very likely to Burger King, his (I\u2019m not lying) favorite restaurant. \u00a0And then I smiled, because I knew that underneath his question – and he was quite sincere in his offer, BTW – what he was really asking me was to remember not to stress out over the fast-approaching holidays.<\/p>\n

Being a mom, especially at the holidays, is hard.<\/h4>\n

You are the producer for the \u201cbiggest show on earth\u201d, creating \u201cmemories for a lifetime\u201d. \u00a0And you also happen to be the director, writer, actor, stagehand, caterer, props person, sound and lighting tech, cameraman, set maker, stylist, promoter, event planner, waitress, cook… \u00a0and of course, custodian. \u00a0\u00a0You have expectations, and standards – your own and Martha Stewart\u2019s – for what \u201csuccess\u201d at the holidays must look like. \u00a0And year after year, you throw yourself into the fray, trying yet again to achieve the elusive \u201cperfect memory.\u201d<\/p>\n

I have chased perfection many holidays: \u00a0ribbon-decorated baskets filled with homemade treats for neighbors, wrapped gifts mailed to 20 (count \u2018em) different relatives, Christmas cards – complete with letter, personal note and family picture – sent to 100 of our closest friends and family, two dressed turkeys with all the trimmings, matching sweaters for the Christmas Eve service, a personally cut tree piled high with gifts, a lovely party for the office and another for a few friends, the school play and the church musical. Unfortunately I also know the cost of such \u201cperfection\u201d: \u00a0stress, anxiety, exhaustion, short tempers.<\/p>\n

Perfection is an ever-changing specter<\/h3>\n

It vanishes just when you close your hand around it. \u00a0\u00a0The irony is, when you chase after it, you are certain not to achieve it. \u00a0What happens (and believe me, I know from many years of experience) is that you will miss joy altogether.<\/p>\n

I suspect that what you really want this holiday, as I do and as I am sure your family does, is not really perfection, it is joy. Don\u2019t make the mistake of chasing perfection to try to achieve joy. \u00a0The two are in completely opposite directions. \u00a0\u00a0As you neglect everything else in your drive for perfection, you stress yourself out, and stress out the people around you. \u00a0Somewhere in your head, you reason that those you love must see how important the \u201cperfect holiday\u201d is, and must do everything in their power to help you accomplish it. \u00a0It is for<\/span> them, after all. \u00a0But is it? For them? \u00a0Or for you, so that you can feel good about yourself for one brief moment in time?<\/p>\n

In your drive to \u201csucceed\u201d you are choosing to fail in what you really want most, and certainly what your family wants most: \u00a0joy, fun, contentment, peace, for your family and yourself.<\/p>\n

If you are not careful, the holidays will become something they dread (as you often do) instead of something they look forward to. \u00a0What you dread is the never-ending to do list, the nagging sense of not ever doing enough, or doing it right. \u00a0What they dread is the tension, the crabbiness, the rush to finish and do and go and see.<\/p>\n

\"The<\/a>So change your goal this season.<\/h3>\n

\u00a0Change your goal of what \u201cthe perfect holiday\u201d is. \u00a0 And then change your plans. \u00a0It won\u2019t be easy. If you thought trying to achieve perfection was hard work, try the work of changing your expectations. \u00a0It takes intention to reprogram after years of input from Southern Living, Real Simple [boy is that an oxymoron of a magazine], and every TV commercial from\u00a0October through December. \u00a0But this is effort that truly pays\u00a0dividends.<\/p>\n

Remember that a \u201cjoyful holiday\u201d is not perfect. \u00a0It is the lopsided tree you got from the lot this year,that someone forgot to water so it\u00a0turned brown before Christmas. \u00a0It’s the turkey that looks great on the outside, but is hard as a rock, still frozen, when you tried to slice it. It is the sweet potato casserole lighting on fire. \u00a0It is homemade presents, and paper chains on the tree. It is ordering takeout on Christmas Eve. It is everyone going to church in whatever outfit they happen to have on. \u00a0It is the Christmas letter mailed out in January (if it gets mailed out at all). It is gifts from the thrift store, a puzzle with a missing piece, planning meals around football games. Inviting someone new to dinner. \u00a0Or going out. \u00a0For dinner. \u00a0(At least considering the idea.) \u00a0It is a mom who is relaxed and laughing and having fun. Because just as \u201cwhen momma ain\u2019t happy, ain\u2019t nobody happy\u201d the converse is also true: \u00a0When momma is happy, everyone else tends to be happy, too.<\/p>\n

Burger King for Thanksgiving? \u00a0No, it didn\u2019t happen this year. \u00a0Not quite there yet. But I am getting closer.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The Perfect Holidays by Lydia Floren \u201cHon, how bout I take care of Thanksgiving dinner this year?\u201d, \u00a0Andrew asked me a couple of weeks before this year\u2019s holiday. \u00a0\u00a0I gave him \u201cthe look,\u201d – the \u201care you crazy?\u201d look. I know what his question meant. \u00a0If he \u201ctakes care\u201d of Thanksgiving dinner it means we […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[465],"tags":[352,10,23],"class_list":["post-34","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-finding-freedom","tag-christmas","tag-joy","tag-perfectionism"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Perfect Holidays - Belovedlove<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Being a mom, especially at the holidays, is hard. It helps to remember that a "joyful holiday" is not perfect. 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