{"id":1686,"date":"2018-02-16T20:15:36","date_gmt":"2018-02-17T02:15:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/belovedlove.org\/reflections\/?p=1686"},"modified":"2019-05-17T13:29:42","modified_gmt":"2019-05-17T18:29:42","slug":"polishing-mirror-self-confidence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/belovedlove.org\/reflections\/2018\/02\/16\/polishing-mirror-self-confidence\/","title":{"rendered":"Polishing the Mirror, by Lydia Floren"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"A<\/a>Have you ever been chugging along on your road of life, and suddenly find yourself flat on your back?\u00a0 I certainly have. One minute I can be tooling along, life seems to be going well, and the next, I am in an emotional tailspin. My self-confidence (and God-confidence) plummets.\u00a0 I then land in a pit of yuck. My wheels spin. My windshield is splashed with mud. All I see, all I feel is the negative – failure, hurt, loneliness, regret. What happened?\u00a0 I don\u2019t usually know right away.<\/p>\n

It is funny what brings it on, this pain, this darkening of the glass. It can be pretty random. Once, it was when I discovered I wasn\u2019t invited to a wedding. (I know, right?) The funny thing is, I didn\u2019t even want to go. But some friends were going, talking about it, making plans. And we were not included.<\/p>\n

In a flash, my emotions were highjacked. My heart lurched off the road of contentment into a pit of despair.\u00a0 We have been excluded from other events<\/i>, I remember.\u00a0 And then the scab from earlier wounds is ripped off \u2026 sitting by myself in the lunchroom\u2026. alone waiting for the bus\u2026. the only one in science class without a lab partner. <\/i>My heart again feels that raw pain, rejection, loneliness. And then, <\/i>Satan hisses these words, in a voice remarkably like my own \u201cI don\u2019t belong anywhere.<\/i> I am not wanted. Or known. Or loved.\u201d<\/p>\n

Later that day, we went to church, but being in a big group where I knew almost no one, just reinforced that sense of detachment, of not belonging.\u00a0 I didn\u2019t even know what was\u00a0wrong.\u00a0 I just knew I couldn\u2019t stay. So I left. And the rest of the evening, I withdrew into my woundedness, feeding it with chocolate and chips and Facebook and meaningless television.<\/p>\n

Polishing\u00a0<\/b><\/h3>\n

The next morning, as I was praying, I was reminded:\u00a0 Yes, now I see through a mirror dimly\u2026<\/i>but I can see something – a good bit, actually.<\/p>\n

And I begin polishing the mirror.<\/p>\n

Thanks<\/b><\/h3>\n

I start with giving thanks.<\/p>\n

Not for this dark pain, deep within, that surfaces from time to time.\u00a0 But, thanking God that it surfaces, so that He can shine the light of His truth on it, and heal it a little more, or even altogether.<\/p>\n

Truth<\/b><\/h3>\n

I recite the truth I know:<\/p>\n