No one likes to be around a complaining person, and I don’t think anyone really wants to BE a complaining person.  So how do we get out of this cycle of complaining? These 10 tips to overcome complaining might give you a few ideas to help you ditch this toxic habit.

10 Tips to Overcome Complaining

1. Give thanks. The moment we realize we are complaining, even if it is just in our thoughts, immediately find something to be thankful. When we develop a habit of thanksgiving, it crowds out our attitude of discontent.
2. Remember how damaging complaining can be. It can cause de-joy, de-struction, dis-content, dis-trust.
3. Let it go: Acknowledge that something’s not perfect, and then let it go. Don’t let your mind continually dwell on it. Usually it is His problem to worry about, not yours. Not something you can change. So let it go. Don’t let those thoughts stick around to fester and eat away at your joy.
4. Ask yourself: Do I do that? My sister has a great habit.  Whenever someone’s actions annoy her, she asks herself “Do I do that?”  You are much more likely to notice faults in others that you have yourself. Asking “do I do that?” helps you identify areas in your life that need work. Seeing your own imperfections makes it easier to forgive those in others.
5. Fill your mind with the positive.   Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. Phil 4:8 NAS
6. Read books like 30 days To Taming Your Tongue, by Deborah Smith Pegues. I’ve read this one several times, and will likely need to read it some more.
7. Remember: no one wants to be invited to a pity party.
8. Meditate on scripture:
   • If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless. James 1:26
   • Jesus said “It’s not what goes into your mouth that defiles you; you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth.” Matthew 15:11 NLT
   • We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to control his whole body. James 3:2
   • Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from deceitful speech. Psalm 34:13
9. Ask God to show you what habits of thought/action need to change to eliminate this toxic practice from your life. What patterns of thought cause negative words to spill out of your mouth? Search me O God…see if there be any hurtful way in me and lead me in the everlasting way. Psalm 139:23-24
10. Ask God to help you tame your tongue.  Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch at the door of my lips. Psalm 141:3

Which of the 10 tips to overcome complaining are your favorites?

Click below to read other posts in this series on “Complaint and Contentment:”

Complaint and Contentment Series – Part 1: Complaining

Complaint and Contentment Series – Part 2: From Bitter to Better

Complaint and Contentment Series – Part 3: Dodge the Urge

Complaining….

Perfectionists, and perfectionists-in-recovery like me, constantly notice things that aren’t perfect (at least by our definition). The struggle we have is what to about it. My first impulse when I see something that needs improvement, is to try to fix it. Sometimes that is appropriate—like if a picture is hanging crooked or there are dishes in the sink. But lots of times, like with the imperfections I might see in my spouse, it is not my job to fix things. (In fact, in marriage constructive criticism is an oxymoron.)

If I can’t fix something, it is tempting to feel sorry for myself. This might start as an attitude of discontentment, like grumbling to myself. But a little annoyance can quickly morph into indignation. If left unchecked, it can expand to a a full fledged pity party, one I feel obliged to invite others to attend. And the way I do that is by complaining.

Why do we complain?

• One reason we complain is that we want sympathy from others.
• We could also use our complaining as a way of retaliating against someone we think has “done us wrong.”
• Another reason we might complain is thinking (maybe even subconsciously) that if we complain loudly and long enough, things will change.

The Bible says a lot about complaining but probably the most succinct words are in Philippians 2:14: “Do all things without grumbling or disputing.”

All things. Without grumbling. Or fussing.

Have you allowed complaining to creep into your thoughts and conversations?  Maybe today is a good day to start a zero tolerance policy of complaining. 

Click below to read other posts in the Complaint and Contentment Series:

Complaint and Contentment Series – Part 2: From Bitter to Better

Complaint and Contentment Series – Part 3: Dodge the Urge

Complaint and Contentment Series – Part 4: 10 Tips to Overcome Complaining

Photo by seyed mostafa zamani (CC BY 2.0)