Category Archives: Finding Freedom

God’s comfort offers us freedom in the midst of anxiety, loss, and other difficulties of life. He gives us strategies we can use in our own lives, as well as special gifts that only come from Him.

Perfect Peace

Complaint and Contentment Series – Part 4: 10 Tips to Overcome Complaining

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No one likes to be around a complaining person, and I don’t think anyone really wants to BE a complaining person. So how do we get out of this cycle of complaining? These 10 tips to overcome complaining might give you a few ideas to help you ditch this toxic habit.

10 Tips to Overcome Complaining

Give thanks. The moment we realize we are complaining, even if it is just in our thoughts, immediately find something to be thankful. When we develop a habit of thanksgiving, it crowds out our attitude of discontent.
Remember how damaging complaining can be. It can cause de-joy, de-struction, dis-content, dis-trust.
Let it go: Acknowledge that something’s not perfect, and then let it go. Don’t let your mind continually dwell on it. Usually it is His problem to worry about, not yours. Not something you can change. So let it go. Don’t let those thoughts stick around to fester and eat away at your joy.
Ask yourself: Do I do that? My sister has a great habit. Whenever someone’s actions annoy her, she asks herself “Do I do that?” You are much more likely to notice faults in others that you have yourself. Asking “do I do that?” helps you identify areas in your life that need work. Seeing your own imperfections makes it easier to forgive those in others.
Fill your mind with the positive. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. Phil 4:8 NAS
Read books like 30 days To Taming Your Tongue, by Deborah Smith Pegues. I’ve read this one several times, and will likely need to read it some more.
Remember: no one wants to be invited to a pity party.
Meditate on scripture:
- If you claim to be religious but don’t control your tongue, you are fooling yourself, and your religion is worthless. James 1:26
- Jesus said “It’s not what goes into your mouth that defiles you; you are defiled by the words that come out of your mouth.” Matthew 15:11 NLT
- We all stumble in many ways. If anyone is never at fault in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to control his whole body. James 3:2
- Keep your tongue from evil and your lips from deceitful speech. Psalm 34:13
Ask God to show you what habits of thought/action need to change to eliminate this toxic practice from your life. What patterns of thought cause negative words to spill out of your mouth? Search me O God…see if there be any hurtful way in me and lead me in the everlasting way. Psalm 139:23-24
Ask God to help you tame your tongue. Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch at the door of my lips. Psalm 141:3

Which of the 10 tips to overcome complaining are your favorites?

Click below to read other posts in this series on “Complaint and Contentment:”

Complaint and Contentment Series – Part 1: Complaining

Complaint and Contentment Series – Part 2: From Bitter to Better

Complaint and Contentment Series – Part 3: Dodge the Urge

Complaint and Contentment Series – Part 3: Dodge the Urge

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Complaining is like fingernails on a chalkboard to me. (Which is ironic, because I certainly do it
enough.) Seriously, does anyone enjoy hanging out with a complainer? I don’t think so. But we
can all slip in to that mindset. So how do we dodge the urge to share our woes with whoever
will listen?

One way we dodge the urge to complain is by remembering the negative impact it can have on others.

Here are four good reasons to dodge the urge to complain:

Complaining causes De-joy. (vs. En-joy) I can be having a great day, and thinking
things are going well, and someone can gripe about the food, or the weather, or how
things are being managed, or about another person, and suddenly my mind is drawn to
what is wrong instead of what is right. Negative words are toxic– they dissolve our joy.
Complaining causes Dis-content. Once my mind is engaged in seeing the negative
instead of the positive, I start to notice the negative more and more. I am caught in a
whirlpool of unhappy thoughts that can spiral down into depression, hopelessness,
resentment and self-pity.
Complaining causes De-struction. Complaining can destroy your attitude and devastate
your relationships. The more you complain, the more it infects your mind with negative
thoughts, destroying your attitude. And the more you complain, the less meaningful
relationships you will have because:
Complaining causes Dis-trust. Not only to people dislike listening to complainers, they
distrust them. “If she complains about that person to me, what is she saying about me to
them?”

Jesus said “It’s not what goes into your mouth that defiles you; you are defiled by the words that
come out of your mouth.” Matthew 15:11 NLT

Are you fighting the temptation to complain? Dodge the urge by remembering what your
negative words can cause: de-joy, dis-content, de-struction, dis-trust.

Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch at the door of my lips. Psalm 141:3

Click below to read other posts in this series on “Complaint and Contentment:”

Complaint and Contentment Series – Part 1: Complaining

Complaint and Contentment Series – Part 2: From Bitter to Better

Complaint and Contentment Series – Part 4: 10 Tips to Overcome Complaining

Complaint and Contentment Series – Part 2: From Bitter to Better

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Yesterday I was in a bad mood. I don’t mean a “pity party” kind of bad. I mean a “don’t mess with me” kind of bad. The kind of mood where everyone just stays out of your way, because they don’t want to get their head snapped off. Do you ever have one of those days? Where you can’t find the good in anything?

Is there a way to get from bitter to better? To shift our attitude away from toxic negative thinking into a more healthy, positive frame of mind?

When you are having a bad day, if you are praying at all, think about the kinds of things you are saying to God. Why does everything have to be so hard? Why can’t things just run smoothly, the way I want them to? Why does this ___ have a driver‘s license?

We don’t really want answers. We just want to vent. To express our displeasure with God’s way of handling the world. (Implying, of course, that we could do it better.)

But what if, as we are racing along on this runaway train of sourpuss-ness, we decide to do something different—totally unexpected.

What if we just start giving thanks?

Yeah right, Lydia. What world are you living in? What could you possibly thank God for when things are going south? What does that even look like?

I know, I know. It seems contrary to our circumstances–and our frame of mind–to say “thank you.” But just try eking out one little prayer of thanksgiving. Something like (don’t laugh), “thank you, God, that I am not always in such a bad mood.” Or like my husband Andrew likes to say, “thank you that I am not in a prison in southeast Asia.” Come on. Admit it. Doesn’t that make you smile just a little bit?

OK, maybe a little.

OK now that you’ve broken the ice, what other things can you thank God for on this no-good-very-bad day?

Thank You, God…

–that this won’t last forever.
–that You are at work, even when I can’t see it.
–that You love me and are with me, no matter what kind of mood I am in. I am not alone.
–that You know what’s going on and will give me strength and wisdom and perspective.
–that You are making good things come from this situation.
–that even when I don’t have the big picture, I can trust that You do, and that You will guide me day by day in how to walk through this.

Getting from bitter to better

Thanking God in the middle of our mess shifts our focus away from our circumstances, and back toward God’s goodness. It reminds us of our love of God, and His for us. It restores our joy in the present. And it gives us peace in the middle of the storm.

Gratitude doesn’t alter our situation; it transforms our attitude. It takes us from bitter to better.

Click below to read other posts in this series on “Complaining and Contentment:”

Complaint and Contentment Series – Part 1: Complaining

Complaint and Contentment Series – Part 3: Dodge the Urge

Complaint and Contentment Series – Part 4: 10 Tips to Overcome Complaining

Complaint and Contentment Series – Part 1: Complaining

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Complaining….

Perfectionists, and perfectionists-in-recovery like me, constantly notice things that aren’t perfect (at least by our definition). The struggle we have is what to about it. My first impulse when I see something that needs improvement, is to try to fix it. Sometimes that is appropriate—like if a picture is hanging crooked or there are dishes in the sink. But lots of times, like with the imperfections I might see in my spouse, it is not my job to fix things. (In fact, in marriage constructive criticism is an oxymoron.)

If I can’t fix something, it is tempting to feel sorry for myself. This might start as an attitude of discontentment, like grumbling to myself. But a little annoyance can quickly morph into indignation. If left unchecked, it can expand to a a full fledged pity party, one I feel obliged to invite others to attend. And the way I do that is by complaining.

Why do we complain?

One reason we complain is that we want sympathy from others.
We could also use our complaining as a way of retaliating against someone we think has “done us wrong.”
Another reason we might complain is thinking (maybe even subconsciously) that if we complain loudly and long enough, things will change.

The Bible says a lot about complaining but probably the most succinct words are in Philippians 2:14: “Do all things without grumbling or disputing.”

All things. Without grumbling. Or fussing.

Have you allowed complaining to creep into your thoughts and conversations? Maybe today is a good day to start a zero tolerance policy of complaining.

Click below to read other posts in the Complaint and Contentment Series:

Complaint and Contentment Series – Part 2: From Bitter to Better

Complaint and Contentment Series – Part 3: Dodge the Urge

Complaint and Contentment Series – Part 4: 10 Tips to Overcome Complaining

Photo by seyed mostafa zamani (CC BY 2.0)

A Jammy Day

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Have you ever felt like something is not quite right, but you can’t put your finger on it? I’ve had that feeling the last couple of days. I can tell because I am unusually forgetful and distracted. I might walk into a room and can’t remember why I went in there, and then retrace my steps, remember what I needed, and go back. And do it all over again. My thoughts jump from one topic to another like fleas on a dog. I can be deep in conversation with someone and stop talking mid-sentence, completely forgetting what I was going to say next.

And I withdraw. I don’t want to talk to anyone, be near anyone. I just want to stay in the bed and pull the covers over my head.

Sometimes it takes me getting to the “covers-over-the-head” stage before I’m willing to stop long enough to figure out what might be going on. Am I am losing my mind? Oh, no. Maybe I’m developing early Alzheimer’s. But wait. People with Alzheimer’s don’t usually escape to their bed and pull the covers over their heads. It’s the people that are anxious or depressed that do that. Am I depressed? Anxious? What is stressing me out so much that I don’t want to get out of my jammies?

I start reviewing the last few days. Well, I just got back from a wonderful Christian writers conference. I met some great folks. It was uplifting and informative. But instead of benefiting from this flood of information, I am letting it paralyze me. So much to do. Where do I start? Do I finish what I have been working on, or do I abandon it and go a different direction? Do I take one expert’s advice and build my platform for a year before publishing my book, or do I send off book proposals now? Should I focus on writing articles, or starting a video blog?

So here I am. Under the covers. In my jammies.

I know, I know. God can help me break free from this downward swirl of thoughts and emotions. I’m just not quite sure how. Sigh. As the covers creep back over my head, something catches my eye. The book Ordinary Graces by Lucinda McDowell is peeking out of my purse, placed there by my new friend Lucinda right as we were leaving the conference. I reached over and pick it up, and I start to read. Each devotion holds a fresh truth, and page by page I feel my fears slip away like raindrops beading off a windshield. Peace—that supernatural peace that only God can give– settles over me. I can relax. God’s got this. And He’s got me.

What about you? Are you feeling the effects of stress? Have you been forgetful? Distracted? Hurried? How might God be speaking to you?

In Isaiah, God said “Do not fear for I am with you. Do not anxiously look about, for I am your God.”

God is here. He loves us more than we can fathom. And when we focus on God, and not our situation, our fears fade away. He knows what we need before we ask Him. God will help us to see what our next steps should be–and when it is best to just be still.

Because He knows that sometimes what we need most is a jammy day.

By Lydia Floren

The Power of Light – Light Series Part 1

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Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a common malady, especially in a place like Wisconsin, where I live and practice medicine. In Wisconsin wintertime the days are short and often overcast. This lack of light can change a person’s brain chemistry and cause them to feel depressed.

What helps?

One of the most effective treatments for SAD is light. Believe it or not, just sitting under a special light for 30 minutes every morning can help balance out that altered brain chemistry.

While only some people experience SAD, all of us are prone to Spiritual Seasonal Affective Disorder. The darkness of pain or loss—or just the stress of everyday life–can gradually pull us down into a pit of despair or hopelessness that drains us of energy and suffocates our joy.

One of the best ways to prevent this SSAD, and to treat it when you have it, is to spend time with God at the beginning of each day. 1 John 1:5 says “God is light, and in Him is no darkness at all.” When we spend time with Him, we are sitting under the brightest light in the world.

Are you suffering from SSAD? Or do you want to prevent it? Make a plan. And then follow the plan. Spend at least 30 minutes every morning sitting in the God’s bright presence. When you do this consistently, you will find that gradually your perspective– and your joy– is restored.

What is your favorite way to experience God’s presence in the morning?

Anxiety from a Doctor’s Perspective – Banishing Anxiety Part 6

The chicken or the egg?

So the question is, which came first, the chicken or the egg? Is our brain chemistry altered, and that is why we are anxious? Or are we anxious or afraid, and that alters our brain chemistry? Well, usually a bit of both.

Back in the day

Most of us have some underlying anxiety—manifested by altered brain chemistry– simply because of the overstimulated technical culture we live in. 100 years ago when someone plowed a field or churned butter, or took the clothes off the line, they were inadvertently balancing out that brain chemistry with exercise and fresh air and non-processed food. Today, not so much. Processed foods, an imbalanced diet, poor sleep habits, minimal exercise and indoor living all add to our general levels of stress and anxiety.

Anxiety in the genes

There are others of us that have a hereditary predisposition to anxiety. In our family, long before anyone knew much about this problem, my cousins would talk about “The Lowe disease.” They were referring to the fact that just about every person on my father’s side-the Lowe side– of the family has struggled with significant anxiety and panic attacks.

Bottom line

Whether it’s the chicken or the egg, the end result is that many of us suffer from life-altering and sometimes incapacitating anxiety. Fortunately, physicians have some excellent tools for treating anxiety disorders so that people don’t have to be debilitated by this problem.

Alter our environments:

There are three ways we can alter our environments that might help.

Change what we eat, by eliminating caffeine, processed foods, refined carbohydrates, preservatives, and drinking lots of water.
Get more sleep, guarding our time so that we get adequate amounts of rest and sleep.
Exercise. It’s helpful if we increase our heart rate for at least 20 minutes a day, most days of the week.

Therapy:

There are some great new therapies to help with anxiety, and consulting with a licensed therapist or counselor can greatly help.

Medication:

When I went into practice, the only medication we had for anxiety was Valium. That was it. Now there are a variety of meds that can greatly help with this disorder. Sometimes we only need them for a while, so that we can function enough to work on non-medication methods of dealing with anxiety, or to get through a very stressful situation. Other times, we need them for a more prolonged period of treatment, or even for a lifetime, if the brain chemistry problem is inherent.

Anxiety is a huge problem in our society, and those of us who practice medicine see it all the time. Fortunately, God has provided lots of ways for us to banish this problem from our lives. First and foremost, as I have mentioned in previous posts, we need to connect with God, and receive His guidance in the best path for us to overcome this. Many times He provides through helping us see the lies we believe, and replacing them with truth. Other times He provides by increasing our perspective or helping us to understand our past. And sometimes He provides for us through therapy, and/or medication. Just like a diabetic needs insulin, sometimes people need medication to straighten out their brain chemistry and overcome anxiety.

When was the last time you struggled with anxiety, and what did you find helpful? Leave a comment below, or join the conversation on social media.

Read all of my previous posts on anxiety here:

Putting Things in Perspective – Banishing Anxiety Part 5

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Putting Things in Perspective

Banishing Anxiety Part 5

by Lydia Floren

This series on anxiety has been fun. And, honestly, I could probably write on this topic for a whole year. Not because of my tremendous knowledge about anxiety, but because of my vast experience with it! Here’s an example: For the last four years or so, I’ve been writing a book on learning to live a God-guided life. Four years is a long time, and I am ready to be done with it. But, I’ve realized that one of my biggest obstacles in finishing my book, is me–more specifically, my fear.

My fears about writing

What am I afraid of? Well, I’m afraid of lots of things. Believe it or not, I am afraid of finishing the book. My perfectionist self plagues me with the “what if’s.” What if I finish it, and no one wants to publish it? What if it is published, but no one wants to read it? And what if they read it, but they find it boring or irrelevant? Or lacking in important ways?

Oddly enough, I’m also afraid of not finishing the book. What if I take so long to write this, that I die before I finish it? (Plenty of people younger than me headline the obituaries every day.) What if someone needed to read it, but never had the opportunity, because my fears and perfectionism and busyness got in the way of completing my book?

Frozen

Sigh. If I am afraid of finishing the book, and also afraid of not finishing it, I am well and truly stuck. Frozen in the twilight zone of fear that we perfectionists (even those in recovery like me), often find ourselves.

Getting unstuck

What gets me unstuck? Reminding myself to put things in perspective. This little tome I am working on is not the only book I am writing – and certainly not My Most Important Book. The Most Important Book I am writing is my life. Each day in my life-book is a page. And every word on the page is powerful. Every kindness. Every smile. Every encouragement. Every hug. Every choice to forgive. Every moment of listening. Every confidence kept. Every murmur of thanksgiving.

All these words, these pages, make more of a difference than any volume we might publish – or anything we “accomplish” for that matter. Our Most Important Boo – our life-book – is already touching people in ways we don’t even realize. And it won’t be until after the book is finished and we go to heaven, that we will get to see just how much it has mattered to the people we love, as well as to those we randomly encounter.

Relax

When I put things in perspective – when I remind myself of what is most important – I can relax about my smaller project. I quit getting my panties in a wad about the little imperfections. I just do my best, and trust that God will use it however He wants to. And I know that, even if it never sees the light of day, the process of writing it has already blessed me tremendously.

Every day, I’m churning out the words of my Most Important Book. The plot is complicated. The main character manages to get in lots of messes. But she never loses hope, because the Hero is there every step of the way. And though I don’t yet know the details, I can tell you it’s going to have a great ending.

Are you feeling anxious?

Are you feeling anxious? Step back and get a little perspective. Remind yourself that your Most Important Book, your Masterpiece, is coming along nicely. And, it is already having an impact. Sure, the syntax isn’t perfect, and yeah, there are a few misspelled words. But the plot is captivating, and the ending is going to be awesome.

PSSST. FYI, From what I understand, there’s a sequel in the works, and it’s going to be an even better story.

Another Way — Banishing Anxiety Part 4

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Another Way

Another Way Banishing Anxiety Part 4

by Lydia Floren

Anxiety is a difficult emotion to understand, much less overcome. In this blog series, we have identified some great questions we can ask ourselves to help dispel our anxiety:

Today, we are going to look at another option we can choose, in response to anxiety, besides fighting or fleeing.

Another Way

As believers, when we are faced with anxiety or fear, we have a third, much more powerful choice, that shatters this fear-flight-fight cycle. Instead of fighting or fleeing, we can make the choice to focus, and then to stand.

Focus on Truth

One of the most effective ways of banishing anxiety is to focus on truth. Filling our minds with truth displaces our fear. Here are some truths I tell myself to remember, when I am feeling anxious:

Remember:

Who you are—God’s precious child, one who He dearly loves and cherishes.
Who God is—present, intelligent, powerful, wise, communicative, protective.
What is really going on in the world. We are imperfect people, living in an imperfect world. We are called to help others know God’s love, by loving them in our own unique (and often imperfect) way.

Stand Firm

In Ephesians 6, after Paul said to put on the full armor of God, he didn’t say, “Ok now go out and kill some people.” Paul said stand your ground. STAND FIRM.

“Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place.” Ephesians 6:13-14

The reason we are able to stand–that we aren’t compelled to fight or to flee–is because God is with us, and within us, keeping us safe. Nothing and no one can touch or change the identity, value, belonging, calling He has given us. In Isaiah 41:10, God reminds us:

“Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

In other words,

Hey, don’t be scared. I am right here. Don’t go looking around for a place to hide, or for some means of protecting yourself. You don’t have to fight or run. Just focus on the truth, and stand firm. I am here with you. I will keep you safe. And, I will give you the strength and confidence you need to weather the storm.

So, next time you are anxious, ask yourself these questions:

What’s the matter?
What am I afraid of?
How am I reacting?
What truth can I stand on?

Instead of fighting or fleeing, remember that there is another, and often better way to respond to anxiety. Focus on the truth, and stand firm. You are safe. You are not alone. And you are not on your own.