Monthly Archives: March 2019

Complaint and Contentment Series – Part 1: Complaining

Complaining….

Perfectionists, and perfectionists-in-recovery like me, constantly notice things that aren’t perfect (at least by our definition). The struggle we have is what to about it. My first impulse when I see something that needs improvement, is to try to fix it. Sometimes that is appropriate—like if a picture is hanging crooked or there are dishes in the sink. But lots of times, like with the imperfections I might see in my spouse, it is not my job to fix things. (In fact, in marriage constructive criticism is an oxymoron.)

If I can’t fix something, it is tempting to feel sorry for myself. This might start as an attitude of discontentment, like grumbling to myself. But a little annoyance can quickly morph into indignation. If left unchecked, it can expand to a a full fledged pity party, one I feel obliged to invite others to attend. And the way I do that is by complaining.

Why do we complain?

  • One reason we complain is that we want sympathy from others.
  • We could also use our complaining as a way of retaliating against someone we think has “done us wrong.”
  • Another reason we might complain is thinking (maybe even subconsciously) that if we complain loudly and long enough, things will change.

The Bible says a lot about complaining but probably the most succinct words are in Philippians 2:14: “Do all things without grumbling or disputing.”

All things. Without grumbling. Or fussing.

Have you allowed complaining to creep into your thoughts and conversations?  Maybe today is a good day to start a zero tolerance policy of complaining. 

 

Click below to read other posts in the Complaint and Contentment Series:

Complaint and Contentment Series – Part 2: From Bitter to Better

Complaint and Contentment Series – Part 3: Dodge the Urge

Complaint and Contentment Series – Part 4: 10 Tips to Overcome Complaining

Photo by seyed mostafa zamani (CC BY 2.0)

Preventive Maintenance

Sometimes my patients can try my patience.

Often a patient comes to see me only when they are very sick. They can’t figure out what is wrong, and how to get healthy again. So I do my best to diagnose the problem, but also try to look further, to see what may be behind the problem that affected their health in the first place.  And then I give my best advice on how to treat the illness. But I also try to say a few words about preventive maintenance. I encourage them to make some changes to improve their overall health, so they are less likely to get sick. To address the bigger issues that affect their ability to fight infection like diabetes, inactivity, overworking, extra weight, poor diet, lack of prevention.

Usually a patient will follow my recommendations for their acute illness, such as take the prescription, drink fluids, rest. But once he feels better, he sets aside the more serious issues. Often, I won’t see him in my office until the next illness strikes.

Preventive Maintenance for My Soul

If I am honest with myself, I can do the same thing, not so much with my physical health as with my spiritual health. I reach out to God with “fire alarm prayers,” but when things settle down ignore the preventive maintenance for my soul, those things that I do that keep my life more on an even keel.

It is so easy to chug along in life and neglect the soul-healing habits of my inner life that sustain my outer life. Reading God’s word, spending quality time with Him listening as well as talking, connecting with other believers—these things are preventive maintenance for my soul.

What habits of preventive maintenance for your soul have you developed? Are there any that have fallen by the wayside? What will you do to get back on track?

Where Do You Live?

When we moved to the small town of Florence, South Carolina, we bought a house in an established neighborhood. As we started to meet people, they would often ask where we lived. They didn’t just want to know what neighborhood we lived in, but which house in that neighborhood. Once someone realized which house we lived in they would almost always say “Oh, you live in the Whisenhunt house,” referring to the previous owners, whose last name was Whisenhunt. This happened so often that after awhile when someone asked me where we lived, I would just say “we live in the Whisenhunt’s old house.” Most times the person would smile and nod, and say something like “oh, that’s a great house.” 

 

One time I was at the checkout counter of a local store, buying a doorbell. When I handed my check to the clerk she glanced down at it, and then looked up, a big grin on her face.  “Oh,” she said, “I see from your address that you’re living in the Whisenhunt’s old house.”

John 8:31–32 says “If you abide in my word, then you are truly disciples of mine; and you shall know the truth and the truth shall make you free.”

In the Greek, “abide” means to continue, dwell, remain. So abiding in God’s word, means to remain, or “continue to be present” in His word.  God’s word becomes our home, our safe place. The center of our lives.  

Abiding in His word means that we surround ourselves—our minds, hearts, spirits—with the words and truths of the Bible. We read it, memorize it, explore it in context. We talk about it, model our lives after it. When we do these things, the truths in God’s word sink deep down into us and becomes a part of us, influencing how we interact with others, and how we see the world.

Are you abiding in God’s word? Are you reading it regularly, reminding yourself of its truths?  Is it so much a part of you that it often in your thoughts?  

Take some time today to read the Bible–may be a long chapter, or only a few words.  Think about what you read. Write it down. Put it in your phone. Ask God to show you new insights from the passage, and how to apply it in your life.

Get so comfortable in God’s word that you feel at home there. As you do, it will change you. And it will bless those around you.

By Lydia Floren