by Lydia Floren
I mess up. In big and little ways. I can judge people. Disrespect their boundaries. Poke my head in where it doesn’t belong. I can be inconsiderate and rude. Selfish. Unforgiving. I can neglect my health, Indulge myself in a pity party. Waste time…You get the idea. I mess up. A lot.
And, when I realize I’ve screwed up, I make it all worse by beating myself up.
“Why did you do that? you know better than that? What’s wrong with you?” And then, I pile on the guilt of past misdeeds, like I’m wagging a finger at myself. “That’s just like the last time…will you ever learn?…” And I have just started on my general sorry-ness. My favorite phrase at this stage of the self-guilt-trip is, “I am not enough.” I am not good enough, kind enough, considerate enough, productive enough, forgiving enough, _______ enough,. My accusations snowball into a huge mound of negative thinking that rolls over my hope. Pretty soon, I have convinced myself that, “I am a bad person. I will never change.”
This dirty snowball that has barreled down the hill of my past failures, finally rolls to a stop at God’s feet. I look up into His gentle, kind eyes.
“I’ve done it again, haven’t I Father?”, I say. (He nods) “I’ve messed up, and then made it all worse by beating myself up, instead of remembering that I am forgiven and loved. Thank you, that You came to set me free of this condemnation. Remind me again, please, of who I am, and who You are.”
“You are, My precious child,” He responds, “so precious and valuable to Me that I was willing to give My life for you to be with me in eternity. Never forget that. I am more powerful than every evil in this world, and I love you. I have already paid for every single one of your transgressions—past, present and future. Instead of trying to fix yourself, just leave this all at my feet, every day, and follow me.
“Start again, today, right now. Enjoy this day I have given you, and be at peace. Know that as you walk with me, I am healing you day by day. I am exposing Satan’s lies and accusations and bringing you into increased truth in your life. So you can live as you were born to live: connected to me, accepted by me, made perfect by me, and used by me to love those who cross your path.”
Under the heat of God’s truth-light, my snowball of condemnation melts away,
until all that remains is a little patch of dirt. He reaches out with His foot and scuffs it away, and then His gaze meets mine.
“Where are your accusers?”, He asks.
“Gone,” I say.
He nods, and then responds. “Sin no longer has power over you. I have broken that power. I have set you free from its hold. Walk in that freedom. Go and sin no more, remembering that I am right beside you every minute, protecting and guiding you in your journey.”
We share a smile. Then He throws His arm over my shoulder, and together we step back onto our path, talking and laughing as we stroll along.
Come to me all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28
You shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free. John 8:32