by Lydia Floren
For some time, I have been focusing on learning to receive the love of God. I am convinced that in order to obey what Jesus said was the most important commandment—to love God, and love my neighbor as myself—I must first receive God’s love for me. In fact, I believe it is impossible to obey this command without first being filled up and living as one who is beloved. The question is how. How do I live in the love of God? How do I learn to embrace God’s love for me personally? How do I accept this love every day, and fill up with it? Answers to these questions have been coming to me in pieces rather than all together. Today I have been given another piece:
Have you ever been in a “mood”? A state of mind where nothing is good or right or positive about the world, the people you encounter, God, and especially yourself? I was in such a state this morning, and after lingering there for a while, this thought came to mind:
“I love you right now.”
“Now, God? Now is not a good time to be loving me. I am crabby, having a pity party, mad at the world, frustrated with myself. This is not a good time to be loving me. ”
“Now. Now is the best time to love you.”
He is right, of course, much as I don’t want to acknowledge it. There is no better time for Him to love me and for me to accept His love than right now, because it is as I am. And because now, when I know myself to be a crabby, sorry individual is when I need His love the most. Now is when His love really does the most good, has the most transforming power. But now is also the hardest time to receive His love. I am ugly and I know it. My heart is spewing forth negativity, anger, condemnation, self-righteousness, pride, selfishness, self-loathing.
And yet He calls to me:
“Come on child, climb out of the pit of your pity party—your hopelessness. Receive my transforming love. Let go of your shoulds and oughts for yourself and those around you, and just be loved. I’ve got this. And I’ve got you. You are safe, and you are free. Simply follow me in the next step, and watch me work! “
I am not hopeless. And I am not helpless. He knows me and loves me just like I am. And He wants me to live in that love.
I do have a choice. Do I accept His knowing and loving and forgiving? Do I accept His grace? His embrace? When I do, I am letting go of the lie that I can live in joy without Him. Or that I would want to. I choose to believe He is safe. His love is there always, even (and especially) when I am at my worst.
He loved me first.
He loves me now.