Right Now
by Lydia Floren
For some time, I have been focusing on learning to receive the love of God. I am convinced that in order to obey what Jesus said was the most important commandment—to love God, and love my neighbor as myself—I must first receive God’s love for me. In fact, I believe it is impossible to obey this command without first being filled up and living as one who is beloved. The question is how. How do I live in the love of God? How do I learn to embrace God’s love for me personally? How do I accept this love every day, and fill up with it? Answers to these questions have been coming to me in pieces rather than all together. Today I have been given another piece:
Have you ever been in a “mood”? A state of mind where nothing is good or right or positive about the world, the people you encounter, God, and especially yourself? I was in such a state this morning, and after lingering there for a while, this thought came to mind:
“I love you right now.”
“Now, God? Now is not a good time to be loving me. I am crabby, having a pity party, mad at the world, frustrated with myself. This is not a good time to be loving me. ”
“Now. Now is the best time to love you.”
He is right, of course, much as I don’t want to acknowledge it. There is no better time for Him to love me and for me to accept His love than right now, because it is as I am. And because now, when I know myself to be a crabby, sorry individual is when I need His love the most. Now is when His love really does the most good, has the most transforming power. But now is also the hardest time to receive His love. I am ugly and I know it. My heart is spewing forth negativity, anger, condemnation, self-righteousness, pride, selfishness, self-loathing.
And yet He calls to me:
“Come on child, climb out of the pit of your pity party—your hopelessness. Receive my transforming love. Let go of your shoulds and oughts for yourself and those around you, and just be loved. I’ve got this. And I’ve got you. You are safe, and you are free. Simply follow me in the next step, and watch me work! “
Now.
I am not hopeless. And I am not helpless. He knows me and loves me just like I am. And He wants me to live in that love.
Now.
I do have a choice. Do I accept His knowing and loving and forgiving? Do I accept His grace? His embrace? When I do, I am letting go of the lie that I can live in joy without Him. Or that I would want to. I choose to believe He is safe. His love is there always, even (and especially) when I am at my worst.
Even now.
He loved me first.
He loves me now.
We love, because He first loved us. (1 John 4:19 NAS)
There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1 NAS)
I visit my husband in a nursing home each evening. His hospice chaplain has encouraged me to help him make a “Gratitude Journal” – a list each day of 5 or so things from that day which he can thank God for. Then we pray together. This is helping him be more content with his present situation. And, for me, these visits have become more enjoyable – not just a time to hear his complaints. I usually bring something to read to him, often poetry. Today, I have made copies of “God’s love – Right now”. I look forward to sharing this post with him.
Wow. Thanks for sharing that. It is hard to be content in situations where you feel you have such little control.
Lydia …My NOW took a whole year. Now Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what is not seen. Hebrews 11:1
When all was said and done, (and there was MUCH to do or more important TO NOT DO and MUCH to say or more important to listen to what God had to say.) My part was to faithfully believe that God could do what He said He could do. So it took a year because I had to live it in the NOW. Each day I would have to determine to do it His Way not My Way. Thus, it took as long as it took. It is embedded in my heart. I NOW know the verse By Heart. Thank you for sharing your NOW. I like to think of God’s name for himself: I Am…..it is in the present tense.
That is awesome, Chris! Would love to hear more about your journey toward “now.”